It's Hard to Get to the Promised Land When You're Looking Back at Egypt

So, today was the awkward transition Sunday in between semesters.

Some people have moved out, but not all of them. There were still goodbyes to be said. A few new people have moved in, but not very many... the men don't move in until tomorrow.

I'm in my typical nostalgic hating change kind of mode, that always takes me a month or so to get over. I mean, don't get me wrong... I'm not in a little ball of depression. I am excited to meet new people and I think this summer will be fun. My new roommate Brittany moved in last night--I already know her from the ward. She's a lot of fun and I think this summer will be a blast.

But, my mind keeps wandering to all the highlights of the last year, to all of my friends who have moved away or gotten married or even just gotten a significant other recently and now I never see them anymore. I miss the fun times that we had. I miss them so much already, even though some of them moved like... two days ago. Part of me wishes I could rewind time and live through this last year again.

It's funny how I get like that. I've done this enough times, you'd think I'd be used to it. And there are always better things ahead. No matter how much change happens or how many friends move away... I always make new friends and get to do new things I wasn't expecting and life is generally awesome. But looking ahead, you can never know for sure what's coming... That's what usually gets me.

We had the perfect Sunday School lesson about this today. We were reading out of Numbers about the children of Israel during the years they wandered through the wilderness. Over and over again, they bewail leaving Egypt. They remember it as being better than it was (after all, they were enslaved!) and they fail to see the blessings God is bestowing upon them in the present. They don't understand how much better the Promised Land is. They can't see what is ahead of them, and so they dwell on what's behind.

This was a reminder to me not to dwell on the past. For the record... my past is a little happier than being a slave in Egypt. BUT. It's over. God is leading me forward to new adventures and bigger, better things. I need to trust Him that my promised land is ahead. I need to look forward to that and be happy, instead of being sad about things that have past. I can't see my future... but He can, and He keeps telling me everything is going to be okay. I need to trust Him, even if I do spend a little time in the wilderness before things work out.

Channeling My Inner Bob Ross

So last night Shauna wanted to do something different from our usual, but she had a pulled muscle so it needed to be something non-strenuous. I'm kind of proud what I came up with. We went to Michael's and got Paint by Number kits (on sale this week! :)

I was surprised how much fun that was. I haven't done something like that since.... well, probably not since I was a kid!

Even though it's totally cheating and not original art... I felt really accomplished when I finished. :)

The goal (in other words... the front of the box!)

In progress

The finished product... Not too shabby! I call it "Finding Nemo"

Fear Not, I Am With Thee

Today I was asked to give a talk to my church congregation. I'm posting it here for my relatives who wanted to see it. :)

Good morning brothers and sisters. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Shelece McAllister. I’m from Colorado Springs and I live in CVS 2. This morning I’ve been asked to speak on my favorite general conference talk.  It’s hard to pick, but I decided on Sister Jean A. Stevens’ talk, “Fear Not, I Am With Thee.”

Sister Stevens began her talk by sharing a story of her nephew, Hunter. Hunter was born prematurely. He was only 2 lbs 10 ounces at birth, and he spent the first two months of his life in the hospital. His father often visited him there, and in Sister Stevens’ words, “The strong hand of (this) loving father often reached for his son’s tiny hand to encourage his vulnerable little child.” That imagery really struck me, the picture of a father standing beside his tiny tiny little baby, reaching out a finger to touch a little hand. Our Heavenly Father too is always there to reach out to us. While Hunter’s father could only offer his love and encouragement to his son, our Heavenly Father is all powerful and all knowing. If we rely on Him, He can carry us through every trial.

I noticed a recurring theme during conference. Over and over again, our leaders reminded us that we are not alone. God is always with us. One way He manifests His love for us, though, is through the efforts of His children. Sister Stevens shared an experience she had. One evening as the sun was going down, she drove past a teenage boy walking alone on a deserted road. She felt prompted to stop and help him. At first she ignored the prompting. She thought it would scare him to have a stranger approach him in the dark. But the prompting came again, stronger, “Go help that boy!” She went back and asked him if he needed help. “Do you need some help? I had a feeling I should help you.” The boy turned to her with tears in his eyes and said, “Would you? I’ve been praying someone would help me.”

Years later she learned the full story. This boy, Deric, had stayed after school for an activity and missed the last bus home. He thought he could simply walk home, but after an hour and a half of walking, he found himself still miles from home, and without a single house in sight. He became frightened. He found a private place to pray and pleaded with the Lord for help. Within only a few minutes, Sister Stevens arrived to give him the help he needed. This experience was a testimony builder for both of them that God is aware of our needs and He answers prayers.

I know in my own life, I have had similar experiences. One that comes to mind happened right after I got my job, working for a company in California. Initially I was hired on a trial basis. Every couple months, our company meets together in southern California, and about a month into working for them, I flew out for my first meeting. I was terrified. I knew that this meeting could make or break my position with the company. I wanted very much to make a good first impression. When I landed at the airport, I called the hotel shuttle to come and pick me up. I was confused about where to go to meet the shuttle, and as time went by I became very concerned that I was in the wrong place. But I didn’t want to wander off and miss the shuttle either. I tried to tell myself that it was all right as other hotel shuttles came and went, but as the minutes went by, I became more and more worried. I was saying lots of prayers for comfort and help getting to the right place. Looking back, I suspect the Spirit was offering me reassurance, but I was too panicked to hear its quiet voice.

What I didn’t realize is that hotel shuttles are always, always late. You just have to plan on that. J

There were a few other travelers near me waiting for their shuttles, but we didn’t talk much. Yet another shuttle arrived, and a woman near me got on board. The shuttle pulled away from the curb and started forward… only to come to a complete stop next to me. The woman passenger rolled down the window to talk to me. “Are you coming to the Red Roof Inn?” I told her I wasn’t. I must have been looking too longingly at the shuttle as it pulled away. That was that, and they should have just drove away. But she persisted. “What hotel shuttle are you waiting for?” I told her. “Oh, I saw that one come by a few minutes ago. I’m sure they’ll be back here soon to pick you up.” That was exactly what I needed to hear. And she was right, the shuttle was back soon to pick me up. I know it wasn’t a coincidence that a complete stranger went out of her way to tell me exactly what I needed to hear.

Although most of us will not see God or Heavenly messengers in this life, Heavenly Father often sends others to serve as angels in our lives. As we listen to the promptings of the Spirit, we can know how to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light.

Of course the answers to our prayers are not always immediate, and our prayers are not always answered as we wish. Sister Stevens shared a story of a family that faced one of the ultimate trials, death of a family member. Arn and Venita Gatrell were living a happy life when Arn was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer, and they learned he only had a few weeks to live. Some might have been bitter and angry about this challenge, but the Gatrells faced it with faith. They gathered their family together for one last time. For a precious 48 hours, their whole family was united, and together they had a family dinner, a family picture, and a session in the Salt Lake Temple. Sister Gatrell said, “When we walked out of the temple doors, it was the last time we would ever be together in this life.” Yet, they still had hope, because they knew their family was united for beyond this mortal lifetime.

Though Arn’s life was not spared, God was always with them. The Savior tells us in John 14:18 “I will not leave you comfortless, but I will come to you.” He kept this promise to the Gatrells. Brother Gatrell lived for another two months. The family described this time as being “filled with blessings too numerous to recount.” Sister Gatrell described the experience this way: “I was carried. I learned that you can feel peace in the midst of turmoil. I knew the Lord was watching over us. If you trust in the Lord, truly you can overcome any of life’s challenges.”

Sister Stevens notes that, “Of course, Arn’s passing was not the outcome the Gatrells had hoped for. But their crisis was not a crisis of faith. The gospel of Jesus Christ is not a checklist of things to do; rather, it lives in our hearts. The gospel “is not weight; it is wings.” It carries us. It carried the Gatrells. They felt peace in the midst of the storm. They held fast to each other and to temple covenants they had made and kept. They grew in their ability to trust in the Lord and were strengthened by their faith in Jesus Christ and in His atoning power.”

Why are we sometimes asked to face such difficult trials? We know that we have come to mortality to gain experience so that we might become more like the Father. In 2 Nephi 2:11, Lehi taught “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad.” Elder David A. Bednar has said, “Thus, even with strong faith, many mountains will not be moved. And not all of the sick and infirm will be healed. If all opposition were curtailed, if all maladies were removed, then the primary purposes of the Father’s plan would be frustrated. Many of the lessons we are to learn in mortality can only be received through the things we experience and sometimes suffer. And God expects and trusts us to face temporary mortal adversity with His help so we can learn what we need to learn and ultimately become what we are to become in eternity.”

Sister Linda S. Reeves shared a story in the October General Relief Society Meeting that really touched my heart and changed my life. Many of you have heard me share this story already. I hope you’ll forgive me as I share it again. In 2010, a devastating fire gutted the interior of the beloved historic tabernacle in Provo Utah.

 “Its loss was deemed a great tragedy by both the community and Church members. Many wondered, “Why did the Lord let this happen? Surely He could have prevented the fire or stopped its destruction.”

Ten months later, during the October 2011 general conference, there was an audible gasp when President Thomas S. Monson announced that the nearly destroyed tabernacle was to become a holy temple—a house of the Lord! Suddenly we could see what the Lord had always known! He didn’t cause the fire, but He allowed the fire to strip away the interior. He saw the tabernacle as a magnificent temple—a permanent home for making sacred, eternal covenants.

My dear sisters, the Lord allows us to be tried and tested, sometimes to our maximum capacity. We have seen the lives of loved ones—and maybe our own—figuratively burned to the ground and have wondered why a loving and caring Heavenly Father would allow such things to happen. But He does not leave us in the ashes; He stands with open arms, eagerly inviting us to come to Him. He is building our lives into magnificent temples where His Spirit can dwell eternally.”

I’ve come back to this story several times over the last few months as I’ve been faced with various difficulties, as we all are. I think it is important to note that the tabernacle didn’t become a temple over night. It was ten months after the fire that Pres. Monson announced plans to build a second Provo temple. Even after the announcement, the official groundbreaking ceremony didn’t happen until May, 2012. And here we are now in April 2014, and the temple is still not done. It’s come a long ways—many of you probably were there when they added the Angel Moroni. Step by step, piece by piece, the tabernacle is becoming a temple.

So it is with us. Becoming more like our Father in Heaven is a lifelong process. Though our trials can shape us into better than we were before, progress may be slow and we may not realize it is happening. It’s often not until the trial is behind us that we realize how much we’ve grown and changed.

I want to add my witness to Sister Stevens’, that our Heavenly Father knows each one of us personally and reaches out to us in our individual trials. I know that Jesus Christ suffered for our all pains and afflictions, not just our sins, and if we turn to Him He will succor us through our trials with infinite compassion. In my own life, there have been times this past year just past my limits… and I felt the Savior lift me and carry me and make the burden light upon my back.

Frozen + Aladdin

So I had an interesting dream last night (don't I always?) It was some weird combination of Aladdin and Frozen. Aladdin and Jasmine were there, as well as the Sultan, but the Genie had been replaced with a large snowman (who didn't look or act like Olaf at all). Jasmine built this snowman as a child, and he'd been with the family ever since.

Well, Jasmine and Aladdin decided to get married. Her dad and the snowman were displeased because, after all, Aladdin was a thief, but they respected her wishes and they hired me as a wedding planner. (???) Jasmine wanted an ice themed wedding, which her dad thought was dumb at first, but once we started picking out crystal decorations, he got behind the idea.

So there we were, me, her dad, and the snowman, busily decorating a Church gym with crystal (because that's where princesses have their wedding receptions too, okay?). The snowman started opening up to me. In this realm, snowmen weren't something you built one day and it melted the next. Kids built them, and they went on to live normal human lifespans. (A little creepy now that I think about it). The snowman was saying that you don't get to pick the kid that makes you, and some snowmen don't get along very well with their children. But there's a saying among the snowmen, "If you don't like them now, just wait until they get older." He said most kids, as they got more mature, would get along better with their snowmen. "And if that doesn't happen, just talk to someone else. Talk to a grasshopper, or something." (Because grasshoppers are abundant when there are snowmen out?)

He told me all this while we were decorating... and then all of a sudden he got very very depressed that Jasmine was all grown up and getting married and moving away. He wanted more than anything else to just go back in time to when she was a little kid and they played together all the time.

I tried to console him, but it was to no avail.

And so I woke up. Weird dream, and it left me feeling a little sad this morning... Weird how dream emotions can seep into real life like that.

We Are Not Made for Endings

"In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.
Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless13 and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny.

The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions—temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful.

How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father that in His plan there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings."

-Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf

For the full text, click here: Grateful in Any Circumstance It's a beautiful talk about the power of having gratitude and joy no matter what circumstances we face in life.

I was going to offer my commentary on this.... but I'm starting this far later at night than I planned. I'll come back to this another day.

warning: Changes ahead

I have never been the greatest fan of change.

I like consistency. I fear the unknown.

Granted, I know most change is good change. My fears of new circumstances and situations and people are rarely valid... usually things turn out better than I think.

But... I think this year may be a tough year. So much is changing! Jason is leaving on his mission... Shauna and I will be living apart for the first time since she came to Provo... Kristie will be coming to Provo (at least some of these changes are good! :)

The BYU President is changing. My stake president of three years just got released. My bishop is due for a release sometime this summer.

I'm leaving the ward I've lived in and loved for a solid four years.

For two years, an old professor has been kind enough to let me work in one of his research offices, side by side with one of my closest friends. But, his office is being combined with another professor's, and I don't want to intrude on all of the other research assistants that will be in there. So... soon, no more daily trips to BYU.

As the BYU school year runs down.... just as every year, I'm losing lots of friends to marriage, missions, and graduation... and others are just moving away.

Sometimes I get sick of how transient life is in your twenties. I'm tired of saying goodbye to people. I'm tired of starting over again and again.

Don't get me wrong. Things will be good. I'm moving in with the amazing Melissa Christensen this fall, which I am looking forward to a lot, and I think our new ward will be amazing. We're moving just outside the BYU bubble, so the majority of our ward will be graduated professionals. That will be a nice change. I've loved being in a student ward... but two years out from that lifestyle, I'm definitely starting to feel a little out of place.

I just always get sad when chapters of my life end. I wish things could be a little more stable... silly to say, I know, when really my life has been remarkably stable the last little while!

Pres. Uchtdorf gave a great talk yesterday that addressed this. Once the text is posted tomorrow, I'll write more about that!