Be Strong and Of A Good Courage

Tonight at Institute, we learned about the book of Joshua. The teacher highlighted one scripture in particular. In fact, she had one of her old EFY buddies bring his guitar and teach us a melody to sing it too (thanks teacher and guitar guy! That's the easiest way for me to memorize scriptures).

The scripture is Joshua 1:9. The Lord is speaking to Joshua shortly after he has become the Prophet. He was probably feeling intimidated trying to fill Moses' shoes. The Lord says: "'Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD they God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."

Those words really resonated with me. I have been afraid as I've looked ahead to the future, when I need to be strong and of a good courage. One student made a comment tonight that also struck me hard. She pointed out that when the Israelites were fleeing the Egyptians, they had to go all the way to the borders of the Red Sea, not knowing beforehand what was going to happen to them. As far as they could see, it was physically impossible to escape from the Egyptians at their heels. But then, God performed a miracle. He provided a way for them that they could cross on dry ground.

I keep saying that I feel like everything is going to be okay, but when I look ahead, I can't see how. That comment hit me more than ever that it doesn't matter that I can't see how things will work out... They still will. God performed a miracle to save the Israelites. He can certainly open the way for me to get to where I need to be in this world.

The Institute teacher also briefly mentioned a BYU devotional Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (now an Apostle) gave back in 1980. It's beautiful. If you're ever feeling a little discouraged, give it a read.

On Butterflies

Photo by Munch Pierre, http://www.stockvault.net

I took a lovely Sunday nap today. One of my roommates came in while I was sleeping. Out loud I said something like "Mmmmmrrrfff" and then rolled over and went back to sleep. In my head, though, I said "I'm not ready to leave my cocoon yet." I was rolled up in my blankets just right so I was warm and comfortable-it was like a cocoon. But that brief little thought got me thinking more deeply.

Because, in many ways, my years in Provo have been living in a cocoon. Developing and growing into my final adult form, safe in the snug little "Provo bubble" where (practically) everyone shares my beliefs and values. I have loved it here. But it's time to grow up and leave. (Well, leave BYU at least. The jury is still out on whether or not I'll leave Provo.)

That's scary. BYU is all I've known for 6 years. That's a huge chunk of my life. Before that, I was a student too. Joining the workforce and becoming a real, full time employed adult is going to be a huge change. It's kind of intimidating.

But... it will be worth it. No butterfly wants to go back to being a caterpillar once its experienced the joys of flying. Leaving the cocoon may be daunting, and it's not the funnest task... but once I get through it, I'll be on to bigger and better things than I can imagine.

I just need to keep trekking, and things will work out.

Transitions

One of the good things about studying families (and trust me, there are a LOT of good things) is that it gives me a limited ability to psychoanalyze myself when necessary.

Recently I have been feeling a bit... lost. Like there was no longer any purpose or meaning to my life. This (naturally) freaked me out at first. What had thrown off my groove? How could I fix it?

I finally realized that this is just part of going through a life transition. For the last little while, the main focus in my life was my thesis. That's gone now, and I'm feeling the loss. It's like when a man retires after fifty years of work, or a mother finds herself home alone after her last child has flown the nest. It throws you off a bit at first because for so long, that thing WAS your life. It's hard to figure out what to do next to find meaning. Certainly my transition isn't as big of a deal as retirement or becoming an empty nester... but it IS A change and it's normal to feel a bit lost.

Realizing all of this made me feel much better about things. This is just one of those life stages things... I'll get through it. Once I land a job, it will be much easier to have a solid focus. But until then, I just need to focus on finding joy and meaning in the little things in life. Maybe set some little goals that I can achieve so I still feel like I am being productive.

Transition times can be tough, but they are necessary. We wouldn't want to be stuck in the same situation forever! If we were, how would we grow? Life is meant to be about change. It will be interesting to see where my life takes me next.

Goodreads Addiction

Okay, I admit it, I am addicted to Goodreads. I love being able to share with all my friends what I am reading. I love being able to see what books my friends are reading. I love checking to see if my friends have already read a book, and then accessing their reviews to help me decide whether or not I want to read it, too.

I also love just surfing through my friends' to-read lists to see what new books are coming out.

Today I found three that I am really excited for. I would probably run out and find a copy today... except then I looked a bit closer and saw that none of these books have actually been released yet. (Ahhhh... dang it... why???)

Note to self: If I ever do become a published author, I need to get my books up on Goodreads in advance and build up anticipation. I have a feeling Goodreads makes authors' readerships jump up a LOT.

So, the books:

Click here for official Goodreads blurb.This one appears to be an Irish fairy tale. Note about Irish fae: they aren't just pretty little winged creatures. They are devious. You don't want to mess with these guys. This book is about Jenny, whose brother Tom was "swallowed whole" by the trees of the nearby forest. Years later, she ventures into the woods to find him, and has to navigate the treacheries of the fae in her quest. Sounds like there will be some romance too, with a moody fae type named Jack.
Alas, this one won't be out until August 16th.

This one sounds like a combination of Tangled and the Little Mermaid to me, although more mature than the Disney films. Evelyn Winters lives in an underwater society (but I don't think she's actually a mermaid). She was selected from hundreds of children for her perfect genes, to be "Daughter of the People" in her utopian society (called Elysium).  Then one day a Surface-Dweller (Gavin) stumbles into her home, and she finds out that everything she knows is a lie, and the woman she calls Mother is actually a monster. Together she and Gavin try to escape, but then she learns that "her own mind is a ticking time bomb." (???) I am very intrigued by this one, but it won't be out until November 12, 2012 (gah!!!!)

This one was inspired by Jane Austen's Persuasion (my favorite favorite Jane Austen book). A sci-fi version of Persuasion? Yes please! Set in the future after a genetic experiment killed off most of humanity, leaving it in the hands of Luddite leaders who have outlawed most technology. Elliot North (essentially, this is Anne) is a member of the upper class. Four years ago, she blew off her childhood sweetheart and former servant, Malakai "Kai" Wentworth. He is now a famous explorer (and yes, a captain) and it sounds like he is a revolutionary of some sort. Their society is on the verge of crumbling, and as a result Elliot is forced to rent out some land to Kai and his Cloud Fleet. She thinks this is their second chance, but Kai is intent on showing her what she missed out on by letting him go. For Darkness Shows the Stars comes out on June 12.