Word of the Year Follow-up 2017

A few years back, Melissa challenged me to pick a "word of the year" each year... Essentially one word to sum up my New Year's Resolutions.

This year, I picked "Soar." My goal for 2017 was to soar to new heights. I admit when I chose it, I was struggling deeply with being 29 and single. I always thought I would be a wife and a mother, but I felt like my chances of that were dimming rapidly. Rather than focus on that, I wanted to find other ways to grow and develop as a person.

And I did. I dove more deeply into work and my calling. I learned new skills I'd never had before. I adopted a puppy. I tried to be a better person in every way I could.

In the midst of all this, I helped organize Colorado Springs' annual young single adult ball (Back to the Future themed!). I never once guessed that that ball would be the place where I would finally meet the love of my life.

Something clicked between Trevor and I right away. He got my number that night, but it was two months before our first date (!!!). After the ball he went back to Boulder to finish up his master's degree, and I was left to wonder if he'd lost interest, or if he figured he'd look me up when he got to the Springs.

Once he graduated and moved down here in May, things moved quickly. We were inseparable right away, and in three weeks, we were a couple. In two months, he proposed at the end of my last big YSA event, a conference in Denver.

Now we are happily married. I wish I could go back to last year's Shelece and let her know what was coming.

Trevor helps me soar in ways I never imagined. We really do compliment each other, and life is better together. We are alike in many ways, and in other ways, our differences balance each other out. He is brave when I am afraid. He is a wonderful patient teacher who talks me through trying new skills, and soothes my perfectionism when I'm not good at first. When I work late or have evening obligations, he gets dinner on the table for us. 

Life is better as a team. I'm excited to see what 2018 will hold for us.

Now some story time to explain how Trevor helps me soar.

I have a deep fear of drowning, something that has apparently been ingrained in my family for at least 4 generations (that's a story for another time). I know how to swim, but the ocean intimidates me anyway. But while we were in Hawaii, we wanted to try snorkeling. One of my coworkers even gifted us a snorkel rental, so we were all set! We did some internet research and decided to snorkel in a peaceful bay not that far from our hotel (I think it's called Kapalua Bay).

Us beside the bay after our snorkeling adventure.

But as I stood on the beach in my awkward swim fins, trying to master breathing through a snorkel, I psyched myself out. What if my fins got tangled or something? What if we swam out too deep and the waves got us? I ventured out into the water beside Trevor, trying to be calm, but once I could tell we were swimming into water deeper than I could stand up in, I balked. I told Trevor to go have fun, and I'd stay close to shore.

Trevor knew what to do. He encouraged me just to relax and float for a minute. He showed me that between our fins and the salt water, we could float with no effort. We were in no danger of sinking. That wiped a lot of my fear away in one go. Then he took my hand and led me into deeper waters. The rest of my fears vanished as I realized he would be right there to help me if anything weird did happen (it didn't... the water in that bay was so calm and peaceful and relaxing!).

I am so grateful he got me out there to savor the experience. Snorkeling is like visiting another world. There were so many beautiful bright colored fish, and we even encountered an adorable sea turtle. Once Trevor got me to relax, I discovered that snorkeling is VERY relaxing and not frightening at all. I would definitely give it a try again.

As another example... Towards the end of our honeymoon, we took a day to drive through the rain forest on the legendary road to Hana. GPS signals don't come through great out there, and we went out without a map or anything. We knew there are lots of cool things you can stop to see along the way, and we just identified them by noticing places where lots of cars parked and people got out to look at things. At one point we pulled over next to a bamboo forest. There were a lot of people farther back, congregating at a trailhead of some kind. But as we walked towards them, Trevor found a small opening in the bamboo with stairs leading down onto a narrow path. We followed it down until we found a beautiful waterfall at the end of the trail.

We were the only ones there. It was very romantic! Trevor took the lead winding deeper through the bamboo, until our trail connected with the much wider main trail. We wandered around until we found another bigger waterfall.

No, that person out there isn't Trevor, just some random guy. :)

We ran into many tourists on that trail. We found out there are 3 waterfalls in that area that people stop to see. Two are easy to find--one is not, and that was the one we found first. We gave directions to a few people who hadn't managed to track it down.

Wandering around in a bamboo forest felt like something straight out of an Indiana Jones movie. I loved it. With Trevor around, I felt perfectly safe, but I have to admit, I never would have tried that on my own. He makes me braver.

I'm excited to see what new adventures 2018 is going to offer! Our adventures will probably be closer to home (well, mine will be... Trevor is going to hike Mount Kilimanjaro in Africa late in the year!) but I'm sure they will still be epic. Life in itself is an adventure after all!

Piano Lesson

Be warned--this happy little bride is probably going to write several posts about her new hubby. I'm very much in a sappy newlywed kind of mood. :)

Today I wanted to share a memory from our 3rd date... one of the first times I knew there was something different about Trevor from any other man I'd ever dated.

This was back on Memorial Day. We had an epic full day together planned--first, attending the YSA Memorial Day picnic, then going mini-golfing, and then ending the day with dinner at an Indian restaurant. I was excited for the date, but I was also really nervous about it. I think I realized that we were moving quickly towards a relationship--he'd only been in the area a little over a week, and we'd already spent time together almost everyday. Yet we still didn't know each other very well, and I didn't want us to become involved only for one or both of us to have our hearts broken.

Towards the end of the picnic, we found ourselves inside the church building, and of course Trevor wanted to go find a piano. (If you know Trevor at all, you know he is very passionate about music--and piano and organ in particular). I thought he'd want to play something for me, but instead, he asked me to play something for him. I tried to beg off. I took piano lessons as a kid, but I never enjoyed them. I would rather be off writing a story or reading a book than playing a song on the piano. I gave up piano by the time I hit high school and never looked back.

But somehow Trevor coaxed me into sitting down and attempting a hymn. He offered to play the left hand for me while I played the right. Oh man.... it was a mess. I could barely remember how to read music. I had to stop in between notes to recite in my head "Every good boy deserves fudge" as I struggled to figure out what I should even be playing. Even with that, I still played plenty of wrong notes, and my pace was about at sloth speed. My playing was definitely not recognizable as a hymn. Man, I thought, this is so embarrassing! 

Then it hit me--I wasn't actually feeling embarrassed. There I was, butchering one of Trevor's favorite pastimes, and I realized that somehow I still felt relaxed and at peace. I knew he wasn't judging me.

I am a perfectionist. I hate being bad at things, especially in front of other people. I realized that with any other guy, I wouldn't be feeling this way. With any of my crushes in the past, I would have felt totally humiliated failing at their favorite hobby in front of them. With men I wasn't into, my humiliation would probably have turned into anger that they "made" me do something I was so bad at.

But with Trevor... I felt totally at peace. I felt safe--somehow I knew he was someone I could show my weaknesses to, and he wouldn't be harsh or judgmental about them. I could just be my real self.

That moment and that realization were very powerful for me. Something was different with this man--and knowing that gave me to courage to keep moving ahead to see what would happen next. Thank goodness I did!

Love at First Sight

Please excuse a sappy post from a new bride. :)

Do you believe in love at first sight? I sure didn't.

I guess in my mind, love at first sight played out like the opening scene of Disney's Enchanted. Giselle literally falls into the Prince's lap, they lay eyes on each other for the first time, and after politely asking for Giselle's name, the Prince declares "We shall be married in the morning!" One look is all it takes, and then they ride off into the sunset together back to the Prince's castle.

Totally unrealistic. Completely impossible.

But maybe that's not how love at first sight works at all. I submit that love at first sight isn't love at all in the beginning. It's an instant attraction, an instant pull to each other, a spark and a connection and a giddiness to be with the other person... the sort of thing that often takes a while to develop, appearing suddenly at a first meeting.... If you're both lucky enough to have it, you act on it. You spend time together getting to know one another.... and if you're really lucky, that feeling builds and builds until it blossoms into full-blown love.

Love at first sight means there was never an instant that you've known this person when you weren't attracted to them, when you weren't hoping for a happy ending.

A disclaimer here. Love can come in many ways and in many different speeds of course. Love at first sight isn't superior to slowly falling for an old friend, or realizing a few dates in that you like this gentleman far more than you thought. The important thing isn't how love comes into our lives, but what it grows to be.

I never thought I'd be someone to fall in love at first sight. I was someone typically slow to warm up to any man I was interested in. I found that I usually had to know a man for at least a month before I'd feel the slightest feelings for him. I discovered it was easier for me to get to know men as friends and develop interest from there, rather than jump into dating right away. When a man asked me out when we first met, there was just too much pressure in trying to evaluate if this perfect stranger was someone I wanted to marry or not. Silly, maybe, but true for me.

And then, I met Trevor.

It wasn't like a scene from a fairy tale. I didn't look at him and just know. The heavens didn't open and an angelic choir didn't sing out to let me know that I'd found my prince charming.

But right away, we were attracted to each other. When we talked, we just... clicked. We liked each other like that and we wanted to get to know each other better.

When Trevor moved to the Springs, we connected again at his first YSA activity. We made arrangements to go to a church event together that Sunday. Saturday night beforehand, we ended up sitting together at a fireside. And we were inseparable after that. Right from the get go we were going on 2 dates a week and spending time together at church, at FHE, at institute, at the Friday night mingles. We were together almost every day. And it felt so natural to be together all that time. It just felt... right.

Before, I would go out on dates with men I wasn't sure about for probably longer than I should have. Sometimes 5 or 6 dates, saying yes when they asked again because I had a good time with them, even though I wasn't completely sold yet on committing to them. And then all of a sudden (or so it would appear to me!) they would ask me to be their girlfriend, and I'd scramble and take a step back. I'd have to tell them that although I enjoyed our time together, I was not ready to commit. I wasn't saying I wouldn't ever be, but I wasn't yet. Then I'd go home and stress and over-analyze and eventually, always come to the conclusion that while I had fun with these guys, I didn't want a long-term relationship with them. I couldn't imagine marrying them. I'd break the news as gently as I could, and that was that.

But when Trevor asked me to be his girlfriend, only three weeks into our dating, I thought, What took you so long? and my answer was the easiest in the world.

Everything with us was so easy. There was never any chick flick drama--no airport chase scene, no last minute dramatic reveal that threatened to rip us apart, no anguished and frightened declarations of love. We liked each other, we got to know each other better, we fell in love, and it was all very open and sincere and sweet.

Now here I am, Trevor's wife, sealed to him for time and all eternity. All those hopes that were born in the instant that we met came true. It's amazing to think about. I am so grateful this wonderful man came into my life. Everyday with him seems to be better than the last. I am excited for the rest of our lives together.