What Happens at a Mormon Wedding?

My husband and I were married in the Salt Lake City temple. Weddings in our faith (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints--most people call us the Mormon church) usually take place in a temple, and only faithful members of our church attend. So there are a lot of questions out there about what our weddings are really like and what we are doing inside the temple.

Our wedding ceremonies are simple. They take place in what we call "sealing rooms" (below is a pic of a sealing room in another temple).

Guests are seated prior to the marriage. The bride and groom come in together and sit together on a small couch on one end of the room. The sealer (the man who officiates over the wedding ceremony) speaks to the couple for a few minutes--he will often share advice about marriage and remind the couple of the sacredness of the covenants that they will be making.

Then he calls the couple up to the altar in the middle of the room. The groom escorts his bride to the altar, and the couple kneel across from each other as they are married. The ceremony is simple, sweet, and sacred.  The couple promise God that they will honor and love each other completely, and that they will follow the teachings and example of Jesus Christ. Once the sealing is complete, the bride and groom kiss across the altar, and if they want to, they exchange rings. Some couples opt to exchange rings outside of the temple instead. Either way is fine since the ring exchange is not part of the temple sealing. We chose to exchange our rings in the sealing room.

Sealing rooms have mirrors hanging on the walls on either side of the altar.

One way that our weddings are unique is that we are not married until death do us part. We are married for "time and all eternity"--in other words, for the rest of our lives, and forever and forever in heaven after death. We consider our temple marriages to be eternal. These mirrors symbolize that eternal connection. Since they face each other, their reflections bounce off each other. When you stand together and look into the mirrors, you see your reflections repeating endlessly (see the pic above) into eternity. For me it was a powerful moment to look into those mirrors with Trevor after we were sealed.

After that, the bride and groom usually stand at the front of the room, and as the guests leave, each one has a chance to congratulate them personally (and usually to hug them too). They go outside to wait for the happy couple to emerge from the temple for further celebrations.

In the temple, we dress all in white. This symbolizes purity and that we are all equal before God. Because of this, grooms don't wear their tuxes for the sealing ceremony. It's up to women whether or not they want to wear their wedding dress, but if they do, it needs to be truly white--not ivory or off-white, and it needs to have long sleeves (I've heard that many temples have sleeve insets they can loan you if you have short sleeves). I decided to be married in my temple dress instead of my wedding dress, mostly because I'm a romantic I guess. I knew I'd only wear my wedding dress a couple times in my life, but I'd wear my temple dress often, and I thought it would make my temple dress more special to me if I wore it during my marriage ceremony.

All of that is to say, the happy couple don't emerge immediately from the temple. I changed into my wedding dress and fixed up my hair a bit. Trevor changed into his tux. When we were ready, we came out to greet our friends and family. That's when wedding pictures start in our faith--the moment the newlyweds exit the temple. As they come out, their friends and family are there to cheer and celebrate their new marriage.

Everyone waiting for us outside

You may have noticed that there is no aisle in the sealing room. There is no processional at the start of the service. Sometimes people will still designate bridesmaids and groomsmen, flower girls and ring bearers. But they don't participate in the wedding ceremony. Their main role (at least in my opinion!) is to dress to match the wedding party and to look good in all the pictures. Sometimes they will stand in the receiving line at the wedding reception. But there isn't much for them to do--the title of bridesmaid or groomsman is really just symbolic more than anything.

Since between the two of us, Trevor and I have 5 sisters, 2 brothers, 2 brothers-in-law, and a niece and nephew, we decided that our family would be our wedding party. :)

Missing from the pic--my sister-in-law Kimber.

Of course our parents dressed to match too. :)

Sealing rooms are often not very big, and so often only close friends and family are invited to the actual sealing ceremony. We were married in a sealing room that could only seat 45, and between our extended families, we had more than enough people to fill it up (although we did manage to get a few friends in there too! :).

So in our culture, most wedding guests are invited just to attend the wedding reception. When a bride and groom have families in separate states like Trevor and I, usually the groom's family will host an open house and the bride's family will have a reception, so people in both states can celebrate with us.

Our receptions and open houses are pretty laid back. The sealing is simple, and it is also the most important part of the wedding celebrations, since it is the actual wedding! Receptions and open houses are relatively simple too so as to not upstage the sealing. We kept ours really simple--basically just a chance for people to come say hello and congratulations, and grab a bite to eat while they were there. Some receptions are more elaborate. My sister Kristie had hers at a reception hall, so hers featured all the traditional dances--the first dance, the daddy daughter dance, whatever other dances there are. :) It's up to the bride and groom's taste of course, and I guess Trevor and I are just simple people. The biggest thing we did is cut our cake in front of everyone. We fed each other with forks and were sooooo careful not get cake on our clothes. We were teased a bit for not mashing it in each other's faces, but what can I say? That's not our style. :)

Recently our church released a great Youtube video that explains more about our wedding ceremonies. Here is it if you want to check it out:

I am grateful that through temple sealings, families can be together forever. I truly believe that families are central to God's plan for us in this life and in the life to come (heaven). I know that Jesus Christ's atoning sacrifice opens the way for us to return to live with God and to be with our families eternally. I am so grateful for Him and His love for all of us. I bear testimony of Him in His holy name, Jesus Christ, amen.

Serenity of Snow

I hate snow. It's pretty to look at, but it's cold, it's hard to drive in, and it's wet and messy. I'm okay with snow for Christmas, but the rest of the year, no thanks!

Molly loves snow. Always has, since she was a puppy. I usually take her on a walk sometime in the evening after my workday. Yesterday though snow has pouring down and I figured we'd stay inside. Molly begged so cutely though that we ended up going on a walk out in the midst of the storm. We stayed out there for 40 minutes! Every time we started heading home she would desperately pull on the leash in a different direction, and I indulged her.

But you know what, I actually enjoyed the snow last night. Everything seemed so peaceful and serene blanketed in snow. The world was so quiet, since everyone was at home snuggled up by their fireplaces.

Maybe I need to give snow a break.

Must Love Dogs

Time for an unpopular opinion post (although probably everyone who actually reads my blog will agree).

I got a little furbaby just a few weeks before I met my husband. I love her to bits. I've always been a huge animal lover and left to my own devices, I'd probably have a million of them.

Just look at that sweet little face!

My husband is not an animal lover. If left to his own devices, we would never own a pet ever. So Molly was an issue when we became engaged. We had some serious talks about whether or not to keep her. The thought of giving her up ripped me in half (and ultimately Trevor decided we could keep her), but I considered it because as much as I love her, I believe getting married is more important than having a dog.

As much as I love Molly, I love my husband more.

You wouldn't think that this would be a controversial opinion (and I know among my few blog readers, it is not) but holy cow, it can be. As we were working through our different opinions on pets, I thought, "We can't be the only couple that disagree on this" and off I went to consult the wisdom of Google. You'd be surprised how many posts there are out there urging people to prioritize pets over significant others. So many advice sites where people described situations similar to mine and were advised to end their relationship with the human, and in some cases, even their marriages, because their fur babies should come first.

I am writing this because just today I came across such a post--a married woman with two dogs and a husband that can't stand them. She asked for advice in resolving the situation. Overwhelmingly, people were advising her to divorce him and go find an animal lover instead. What the heck? I normally don't post out in the webs to random strangers, but I wrote in encouraging her to try to work through this difference. See a counselor, take a marriage class, try to take the other person's perspective. See if you can compromise! Some people don't like animals, and there is nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make them bad people.

I mean I love dogs, and I've always been taught that pets are for life. You keep them until their dying day and do your best to give them a good, happy life. But MARRIAGE IS FOREVER. Marriage is a much more serious commitment than adopting an animal. You do not dump your husband because he's not getting along with your dogs. How could anyone really consider that? But apparently it's not uncommon. How have we reached a point where people commit more to their pets than to their marriages?

I know everyone is not like that... Just... Argh. I hope my post to this lady today made a little difference. It probably didn't, but I had to try.

Challenge Accepted

My fortune cookie tonight:

I've been thinking a lot lately about pursuing my dream of writing a book.... My life is crazy busy, but I need to find a way to fit that in.

A Weekend Breather

What can I say.... I'm an introvert!

I LOVE it when I have a weekend with nothing planned. An evening and two days ahead of me to use however I want. For me, it's invigorating. Trevor is the total opposite--he likes to keep busy.

This weekend, I finally get a chance to take a breather, and I'm already so relaxed. Life has been a blur lately. We moved into our new house, Trevor left for two weeks to hike Kilimanjaro, my parents and I worked like maniacs to get the house set up and liveable. Not long after that came the news about Grandma and I was off to Utah, first to say goodbye, and then to attend her funeral.

Every weekend that Trevor and I have both been in town, we've been working at the temple, which takes up most of the day. Our time in the temple is wonderful, and I wouldn't trade it. But between that, working full time, and everything else that's happened... Trevor and I have only ever had 2 full days to dedicate to setting up our house. Needless to say, there is still SO MUCH to be done. We try to do what we can in the evenings after work, but besides all of that there are the basic necessities of life we have to take care of--laundry, shopping, cleaning, just life.

Anyway, with all of that, we haven't made the progress I'd hoped on our house, and sometimes it feels like we never will. But tomorrow we will have an entire day to work on things, and I am so hopeful that we can make some real progress. It won't be a laid back day, since my list is a mile long, but we won't have a set schedule and no time limits--we can take as long as we like.

I am looking forward to it so much! Maybe I need to carve out more time like this.

Goodbye Flowers

When Molly was little, I loved to put flowers on her collar.

Unfortunately, I realized before too long that she didn't like them. They would slide around and get in her face. I'm not sure if they were really comfortable.

So it's been a long time since she's worn one.

Yesterday somehow she got into a box of her stuff and emerged with the biggest flower! And completely tore it to shreds.

Guess that really is the end of that!

Blogger days of yore

Sometimes I miss the days when blogs were new and exciting things. Most of my friends had them and updated on a fairly frequent basis.

But time went on and lives got busy, and one by one, friends' blogs crawled to a halt. (Props to those of you still writing--I'm still reading! :) Now, that seems to be happening to me. Two years ago I wrote 68 blog posts in a year (!!!) a personal record! The year after that while I was busy dating Trevor and wedding planning, it dropped to 32... and this year I've written less than 20.

In a way I know it's a good thing. I'm not writing about my life because I'm too busy living it. But... I still miss my blogging days. I'm going to try harder to post more often.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

This may look like we didn't put together a couple costume and just pulled stuff out of our closets.

Which is mostly true... We wanted to be Mr. and Mrs. Incredible but it didn't pan out.

BUT! A true Trekkie such as myself looks at this and says, "Plato's Stepchildren or Who Mourns for Adonais?" (The answer is Who Mourns for Adonais, but with a happier ending and cuter/more realistic love story.)

One of the problems of loving a 1960s TV show is NO ONE gets references like this but me! :')

Fasting From Social Media

Every April and October, our church holds a General Conference where we hear from our Prophet, apostles, and other church leaders.

This year, the Prophet extended a challenge:

1. Go on a 10 day social media fast (and fast from other media that is not uplifting),
2. Read the Book of Mormon between now and the end of the year, and mark each verse that speaks of the Savior.
3. Establish a pattern of regular temple attendance.
4. Participate fully in Relief Society.

At first I was reluctant to do a social media fast, for a couple reasons. In an effort to curb my all too real social media addiction, I had Trevor change all my passwords so I can only get on when he's around. That alone has cut back my social media use quite a bit. Also, the Prophet extended the social media challenge to the teenagers this summer (only 7 days instead of 10) and at the time my husband challenged me to see if I could go 2 weeks instead of just 1. So my first thought was, wait, I already did this. Do I need to do it again?

But.... what came to my mind is the story of Naaman--he was sick with leprosy and came to Elisha to heal him. Elisha actually didn't even come to talk to him--his servant did. His servant told Naaman that he would be healed if he washed in the river Jordan 7 times, Naaman was a bit insulted. That seemed ridiculous to him I guess--he'd expected a big dramatic healing, and he certainly thought the . In his words (2 Kings 5):

"11 But Naaman was wroth, and went away, and said, Behold, I thought, He will surely come out to me, and stand, and call on the name of the Lord his God, and strike his hand over the place, and recover the leper.

12 Are not Abana and Pharpar, rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? may I not wash in them, and be clean? So he turned and went away in a rage.

13 And his servants came near, and spake unto him, and said, My father, if the prophet had bid thee do some great thing, wouldest thou not have done it? how much rather then, when he saith to thee, Wash, and be clean?"

I'd like to think I would do something big if President Nelson asked it. Pick everything up and move to Missouri? Join Zion's Camp? Live the Law of Consecration? I hope that I would do it.

It hit me that if I want to follow the prophet in the big things, I need to follow him in the little things too. This was a small thing that he asked for--a simple thing. I needed to act on it.

And it has blessed my life! In additional to social media, we were challenged to give up other media that is not uplifting. During conference, I was prompted that I needed to give up certain news sites and advice columns and general time wasting websites that I've been spending a lot of time on, things that have filled my internet time since I cut back on social media.

I hadn't realized how much those things were cluttering up my mind. Without stressing about the news going on every day, I could focus more on my life and my husband and the things that matter most. Without spending so much time on time sucking websites, I had more time to do other things. I read my scriptures more (okay, some of that was the Book of Mormon challenge), I did some family history, I spent more time on uplifting meaningful things and I felt closer to my Savior and my Heavenly Father.

It was a successful experiment! Trevor is hopeful that I'll give up social media altogether like he has. I'm not ready for that yet, but I think I need to continue to cut back--not just on social media but on the internet in general. There's more to life!

Memories

My grandmother wanted a representative from each family to speak at her funeral, so ultimately 3 grandchildren ended up speaking. I volunteered to speak for my family since I am the oldest... we are by default the tribute children.

Here's what I shared:

               I thought long and hard about what memories to share today about my grandma. It’s hard to pick because I have so many!

               My grandma always made me feel very loved. She was always happy to see me or hear from me. I knew I could tell her anything—she would patiently listen to my childish flights of fancy, and later to my dating woes or school stresses. My family lives in Colorado so we were farther away than the other grandchildren, but somehow Grandma always stayed in the loop on our lives. Whenever I talked to her she’d know exactly what was going on in my life and she’d ask about specific details of my latest adventures and struggles. I knew she cared about me because she remembered all the little details of my life.

               She was always patient with me, no matter what. I can’t remember her ever being mad or impatient with me. I remember when we came out to visit as kids, my sister and I would sleep in the room across from my grandparents’. We would often stay up late talking and giggling, but Grandma never complained or shushed us. She told us she was happy we were enjoying our sister time.

Grandma was selfless and she would bend over backwards to serve those around her. When I grew up, I moved out to Provo to go to school at BYU. My sophomore year I moved out of the dorms and into an apartment. I didn’t have a car, and neither did any of my roommates. I didn’t have a good way to go grocery shopping. Grandma and Grandpa came every week that first semester to take me to the grocery store. It was a big sacrifice of time—I think it was at least an hour round trip—but they did it to take care of me. Figuring out what groceries I needed was a learning curve—I was so slow at first! But they were always patient with me and never made me feel rushed, and they were always willing to give advice. Afterwards they would always treat me to Burger King, and where they would listen to all my stories of life at the Y. Their service made me feel so loved. When Christmas came, they drove me all the way to the airport, even with snowstorms pending.

One of my favorite memories of my time with my grandma happened last year in February. I flew out to Utah for one of my friend’s weddings, and I stayed with Grandma and Grandpa. That weekend Grandma and I spent a lot of quality time together, going out to eat, talking about life. I was happy that my friend was getting married, but I was also sad and worried that I was still single at 29. Grandma and I had some heart to heart discussions about how she still had hope that I would find someone. She was so encouraging…. Back then I told her I was going to give up on men and go buy a house and a dog. She always told me that I could have all 3. In the end, she was right! One of the last things she said to me was, “You did! You got your husband, your house, and your dog!”

When I got married last year, she was too sick to come to the wedding, but I was able to stop by her house and model my wedding dress for her. I felt her support and love that day even though she wasn’t physically with me.

When we got the news a couple weeks ago that Grandma was going into hospice, I hopped a plane the next day so I could come say goodbye. I think all of her kids and grandkids came to see her that day. My siblings and I got to visit with her for a few minutes. We started to leave her so she could get some rest, but she called us back so she could share some spiritual experiences she had in her life concerning death. She bore her testimony to us that there is life after death, and she promised us she would be okay after she was gone. That was so comforting to me, and it’s something I’ve thought about often since. She was the one dying, but she comforted us.

I love my grandma so much! I will miss her. But I am so grateful to know that families are forever, and I know that I will see her again. I look forward to that day.

Grandma

Grandma and Grandpa and baby me

Today I got word that my grandma passed away.

I know it was a relief for her. She suffered so much on her way out!

But we will miss her so much. I am so grateful to know that families are forever and I will see her again someday. I know that right now she is enjoying a happy reunion with her parents and her brother and my cousin Jess... everyone who crossed over before she did.

I don't know what I would do if I didn't know there is life after death. That brings so much hope and peace to my life!

Grandma

Last Sunday, after much encouragement from my husband, I flew out to Utah to see my grandma one last time.

I'm so glad that I did. Nearly all of Grandma's descendants still live in Utah--I think my mom, my sister Shauna and I are the only exceptions, and the two of them have been with her for the last couple weeks taking care of her.

Because I flew out, ALL of Grandma's blood descendants came to see her last Sunday. All the kids, all the grandkids, all the great-grandkids. Grandma was still in good spirits there. She bore testimony to us that there is life after death, that she is not at all afraid of death and she knows she will reunite with our loved ones in the Spirit World. I am so grateful that I was here to hear her words.

I've stayed in Utah since then. Grandma is not scared of death, but dying is another matter. My poor Grandma is dying of starvation. She has inoperable tumors sealing off her intestines so no nourishment can get through. To make it worse.... she had kidney issues just a week ago that led her to retain water.... and her body is relying on that water now to keep from dying from thirst. It means that we get to keep her longer, but it is prolonging her suffering.

It's been so hard to watch her slip away. By now she is very far gone, hallucinating and not responsive to the people near her. She's on a morphine drip but she is still in pain.

She's still hanging on. The nurse thinks it will be another week. I don't know how she could go on another week in this condition.

Saying Goodbye

Today I got word that they are putting my grandma in hospice care.

It's been about a year and a half since she was diagnosed with cancer. At first we were all in shock, but we were optimistic. The doctors thought she had a good chance.

She struggled through the agonies of chemotherapy. Eventually she got the exciting news that her cancer was in remission. We were so relieved.

But... things took a turn for the worst again. We found out the cancer was back.... It was a bit of a roller coaster ride from there. We knew she might die, but things kept happening that would give us a glimpse of hope.

Just yesterday, there was a glimpse. Her doctors decided to try a new treatment on her. They weren't giving up.

And then.... today I got word that she's been taken to the Huntsman Cancer Center. The cancer is even more advanced than they realized. They are moving her to hospice on Monday, and they expect she'll live another 2 to 4 weeks.

I feel... numb, almost. I can't quite believe that it is true. It hasn't sunk in yet. But at the same time, I can't stop thinking about it. Every time I move on to thinking about what I need to get done today (Oh yeah, I still need to shower.... I really need to straighten this kitchen... etc. etc.), I feel guilty... going about my normal life when hers is ending.

I want to go visit her. It's been too long! When I lived in Utah I saw her often, but it's been over three years now since I moved back here. I still saw her occasionally. The last time I really spent time with her was when I flew out for Melissa's wedding last year in February. I stayed at my grandparents' overnight and my grandma and I spent a lot of quality time together. It's actually one of my favorite memories of being with her.

I saw her again last June when I flew out for Kristie's wedding. But already she was not up to staying at the wedding celebrations very long.

By my wedding in November, she was too sick to come. The last time I saw her was a couple days before my wedding. I stopped at her house to show her my wedding dress. She told me she wished so much she could come to the wedding ceremony, but I understood that her health was too fragile.

I ended up having to rush off at the end of our visit. I was supposed to meet Trevor in Salt Lake City to get our marriage license. I wish I'd stayed longer with her then.

I'm wondering if I should fly out to see her one last time. Unfortunately I have a bad cold right now..... and the last thing I want to do is hasten her end. :(

I'm going to miss her so much. But I do know families are forever and this will not be the end. I need to keep that in my mind. Death is only a temporary separation.

My last time with Grandma before my wedding

When a Non-Musician Marries a Musician

Okay, I admit it. Music has never been a deep passion with me. I love listening to it, but I've never devoted myself to the study and practice of musical performance.

I mean, sure, I had 6 years of piano lessons as a kid. My mom warned me when I quit that I'd regret it someday, that I might regret someday that I couldn't play in church when a pianist was needed. Since I hate performing in front of other people.... I have never regretted that.

I dabbled in choir in elementary school and middle school. But by the time I was 12, I was extremely self conscious of my voice. I remember distinctly a caroling trip I went on as a Beehive. I noticed that no matter where I went in the group, the people in front of me would glance back at me as I sang. In hindsight, this could have been for lots of reasons. I was typically towards the back of the group, and maybe they were looking for people from another car to arrive and looking at the road, not really at me. Or, they didn't notice my quiet stealthy self coming behind them, and they were startled to know I was there. It could have been a lot of things. Unfortunately 12 year old Shelece interpreted this as people judging me for singing badly, and I resolved to sing less in church. I would sing bits and pieces of the hymns, but trail off anytime I felt like I was off on a note, I would stop singing and mouth the words--which often meant skipping the high parts, the ends of lines, and sometimes even the beginning.

I did end up taking voice lessons from my aunt one summer, and though I learned a lot, I ultimately realized my heart wasn't in it. The kicker was when my aunt told me I could pick any church song I wanted, any song at all, to learn next. I went through the books and picked out... the Latter-day Prophets song. Why? Because I figured if I was going to learn a song, I might as well learn something useful like all the names of the prophets. My aunt allowed this, but later on, she admitted that she was very frustrated with my choice. She thought I'd pick something melodic and beautiful, but a song meant to serve as a memory device was... well, not what she was thinking of. That's when it occurred to me that I wasn't invested in music--it never occurred to me to pick a song because it sounded pretty and I wanted to sing it.

So fast forward a lot, and I fell in love with Trevor, who was born bleeding music from every pore. In our singles ward days, he launched a triward young single adult choir, and I came.... because I liked him. It was... all right. There were lots of choir newbies that he'd recruited. We didn't do any super hard songs. I lived in fear of days that I was the only soprano who showed up (I think that only happened once!), and I was super intimidated when our friend Daniel took over the choir directing, because his mom is a professional and he took things up a notch that was hard for me to meet. But he was still patient in teaching us very basic choir things that I didn't know--what the director's hand movements meant, what some of those weird Italian words meant on the page, etc. etc.

Trevor even got me to be part of some stake music choirs, which weren't so scary because the choirs were so big my voice didn't stand out. Although I learned quickly that choir is about critiquing the people around you to help the whole choir improve. People near me have often offered suggestions for me to improve. This is a normal thing, and their suggestions are helpful, but when I'm already terrified and self conscious, it just escalates the anxiety.

But in our new ward... oh man. Choir is on a higher level than I can possibly achieve. Almost everyone is super musical. They throw around music terms that I have no clue how to interpret but everyone else clearly gets it. We've been trying to learn Mormon Tabernacle Choir arrangements.... I am NOT a MoTab soprano!!! They go so impossibly high and I can't even touch it. I've been doing my best. I don't really read music, and I don't understand how to read parts. Other people can take an arrangement and look at it--they see which notes their part is, and off they go. I can't do that. Sometimes people will say something like, "Can you sing a high A?" I HAVE NO IDEA. I hear note names and I don't hear a corresponding noise in my head. I learn songs by listening to the music and trying to copy the people next to me. I realize I should raise my hand more and have them play my part, but I recognize that if I do that it's likely the Director will make us sing the part I'm confused about, and pay especial attention to my voice to see if I get it now.

Following other sopranos worked somewhat okay when I had a really strong singer next to me, but she has just moved away. Last week I skipped choir, and Trevor said no sopranos came. I was so grateful I didn't go. This week I was scared unto death to go because I thought I might be the only soprano there, but Trevor really really wanted me to go. So I showed up, and... there were 3 sopranos, me and two teenage girls. We did a warm-up. The Director brought out a MoTab arrangement he wants us to do that goes very very high. I noticed there were a few spots where sopranos sing alone, and I got very nervous. But things went worse than I ever imagined.... It was probably my fault (?!?!?!?). I mentioned that the timing at the end of the song was hard for me--all 4 parts sing amen at different speeds and a different amount of times, and I get lost almost every time. So we listened to a recording of the song twice, and then we tried to sing through it.

All 3 sopranos struggled so hard to hit the high notes, but I struggled more than any of them. (For any musically inclined people reading this... basically in this section we had to hit a high G and a high A.) And then.... the director's wife suggested that the sopranos should sing alone, since we were clearly a problem. So for the next eternity  20 minutes or so, the entire choir listened to us as we struggled... I could NOT hit the high notes. I sounded squeaky and breathy and horrible. IT WAS MY WORST NIGHTMARE COME TO LIFE. Here I am in choir so people can't hear my voice much, and I'm being called upon to suck at singing while everyone else in choir listens to me. People tried to help us by offering changes to the music (that meant very little to me. Let's bring that one part down an octave--okay, I get  that it won't be as high, but what note are we going for?). I was DYING. I did see a bit of humor--Trevor assured me that choir wasn't so bad, and then everything I ever feared about choir came true.

Fortunately... the Director soon realized that the Mormon Tabernacle Choir arrangement was far out of our reach, and had us sing "Nearer Our God to Thee". I could handle that... although I felt guilty that my failure was partially responsible for us switching to an easy song. He looked right at me as he said we'd switch to Nearer because it had a much smaller range and was easier to sing.

But at the same time.... I realized then that despite my newbieness and struggles, I'm not an awful singer. My guess is, the MoTab sopranos have an epic range. It's okay I don't. That doesn't mean I'm a failure. I am behind the curve of a lot of choir people because I'm just trying to learn this stuff at age 30.... but in a lot of ward choirs, that wouldn't be so out of place. There are ward choirs literally begging for people to join, experience or no.

It just so happens this choir is more advanced than that, and that's great! They can do a great job singing amazing musical numbers.... and I can listen from the audience and smile at them.

Or maybe I'll still hang in there, for Trevor's sake.... If we stick to Nearer My God to thee, I can handle that... Sorry to lower the quality of the choir, ward peoples! At least I'm trying to add my voice.

A Year Ago

A year ago, I was in a dark place.

I'd met Trevor a couple months before, but he'd never called me, and I wasn't sure if he'd lost interest or if he was busy finishing up his master's degree in Boulder. (Thank goodness it turned out to be the second option!)

I was navigating yet another quarter life crisis and trying to figure out what I needed to change to feel like I was progressing. I considered a PhD, and even purchased the books to study for taking the GRE again, but... I realized that truthfully, that wasn't what I wanted to do with my next five years.

I'd finally saved up enough for a down payment on a home, but every time I tried to get serious about house shopping, I just didn't feel good about it. Finally I prayed about it and felt pretty firmly that I shouldn't be buying a house just yet. So there went that option.

The bright spot in my life was my sweet little baby Molly.

Look how tiny she used to be!

Mother's Day came around. Shauna and I went to church with Mom and Dad--we were spending the day together as a family to support Mom for Mother's Day. I... didn't take it well. I felt like I was surrounded on all sides with women my age married for years with multiple kids. (Cuz... I mean, I was.) Salt in the wound.... the life I'd always longed for that seemed forever out of reach.

I came home and cried and cried. It was really embarrassing, because it was obviously putting a damper on my mom's special day. But my mother was really patient with me. She told me she thought that my husband was closer than I thought. Of course, we'd all said that before about my husband, and he hadn't showed. So I wasn't terribly optimistic (but she did help me feel better).

What I didn't know, and what I had no way of knowing, was that I was exactly one week away from going on my first date with Trevor.

It was a good thing I hadn't applied for any PhD programs--I needed to be here to date him. It was a good thing I hadn't bought a house--that meant we've been able to pick one out together, and build it with a family in mind. God had been reassuring me for years that everything would work out... and finally, it all came together.

I guess I am writing this to say... don't give up. Whatever trials you are facing, hang in there. Things can and will get better. You may not know when or how... and it may not be as soon as you are hoping for. But sometimes, the answer to your prayers really is just right around the corner.

As my cousin Natalie always says, it will all work out.

Hawk Fighter

Remember that time that little Molly almost got snatched by a hawk?

I've been a bit worried about it ever since, even though she's much bigger now.

Well, today (before it started snowing randomly) Molly and I were in the backyard. I was attempting to teach her to play with a Frisbee, which she was very enthusiastic about but which wasn't going well because the Frisbee is way too big for her. All of a sudden, she ran in the opposite direction of the frisbee, staring up at the sky and barking her head off.

I looked up and there was the hawk! Fortunately it just kept flying along. It probably prefers prey that runs from it as opposed to prey that threatens it.

I'm relieved to know that Molly can notice the hawk coming--I had no idea it was up there. Hopefully she can handle herself and he's not a threat anymore. Our new place will be deep in suburbia, so maybe we won't have to deal with hawks!

Two Story Hot Air Balloon

Last night I had an awesome dream that I wish I could say was inspired by Around the World in 80 Days, but which was probably really inspired by The Chipmunks Great Adventure movie (my very favorite from age 2 to age 8!).

Trevor and I lived in a two story hot air balloon with a couple other families. It had everything we needed, including an open air kitchen on the top floor. We floated around wherever we pleased on a quest to tour the entire world.

I woke up desperately wishing those things were real! How fun would it be to live in the sky?

Bunny Attack

Molly doesn't like bunnies.

She met her first bunny as a wee little pup, and it scared her. The bunny was twice her size. She ran to me for protection. But then the bunny ran from her, and... someone clicked in her little puppy brain. She chased it out of the yard, and she's been a proud bunny chaser every since.

So today I was working at my parents, when all of a sudden Molly went ballistic. She was barking her danger bark, and running BACKWARDS across the kitchen like she was trying to get away from something. I followed her gaze, and there was my mom with her arms full of some semi-realistic rabbit Easter decorations that she was putting up.

To be fair, these things are clearly terrifying...

Molly launched herself across the room at my mom barking her head off. Her hackles were actually up--the hair on her back was standing straight up. I guess she thought Mom was bringing those vile creatures into her house, and she didn't appreciate it? Mom held one out to her to show her it wasn't real and Molly tried to snap its head off. (Fortunately Mom has faster reflexes than Molly!)

Once Mom had all her decorations set up, I tried holding Molly up to the bunnies and reassuring her they weren't real. She finally seemed to get it and she calmed down. I wish I knew what was going through her cute little dog brain! She is funny sometimes.

Granny Power

When Trevor and I first moved in with Granny, we were really good about checking the weather every night so we'd know if we'd need to get up early to shovel the driveway. But this winter has been so dry that we gradually got out of the habit. So this morning as Trevor rushed out the door to a work meeting, we were shocked to discover 3-4 inches of snow outside!

I told Trevor I would take care of it. But it wasn't 8 o'clock yet, and when I checked the temperature, it was 4 degrees outside. I decided I'd wait and let the sun come up a bit before I shoveled. Granny was still asleep anyways.

I went downstairs and got ready for my day. I decided to put a full hour of work in before I did the driveway. But just after 9, I heard the front door close. I threw on my coat and gloves and ran outside to get the driveway shoveled. I found Granny out there bundled up, shoveling off the sidewalk. I started shoveling the driveway, but she looked up and insisted she didn't need any help. She thought the driveway would melt--she just wanted me to go brush the snow off my car. So I came down and helped her finish the sidewalk, but I couldn't convince her to go in! She is a powerhouse. I kept saying that I would take care of it, but she wouldn't have that. When the sidewalk was done, I switched to brushing off my car. I told her to go in, but the next thing I knew, she was on the other side of my car brushing away.

When we finished that, she drove her car around the block to charge it (a light got left on last night and she was worried about her battery). I tried to hurry and shovel off the driveway as much as I could while she was gone. Three or so inches of snow is a lot and I was afraid it wouldn't melt. Well, Granny came back and pulled into her garage. She lowered the door behind her. I thought she was going to give in and let me finish, but soon she emerged from the front door and told me that as long as I worked outside, she would too.

So, we just quickly scraped off the snow on Trevor's side of the driveway so he'll have an easier time when he gets home.

The woman is an energizer bunny! I hope I am like her when I'm her age.

Fall like an Olympian

Have you been watching the Olympics? Our favorite event is figure skating, but we've had fun watching as many as we can.

These people are literally the BEST in the world at what they do. It's amazing what feats their bodies are capable of.

But you know? Even Olympians aren't perfect.  Sometimes they don't land their jumps. Sometimes they fall. Even the best people in the world fall some times! And when they do... they have to get right back up and keep going. No time to mourn, no chance to take a breather and feel sorry for themselves. They've got to get right back up and finish their routine.  They can't be shaken by what just happened.

That is such a great parallel for life! As we fall and make mistakes, we shouldn't beat ourselves up. Even the best people (with the lone exception of the Savior Himself) fall sometimes. We should aim to fall like Olympians--pick ourselves up and keep going. Don't let the fall shake you into doubting yourself. You still got this!

Imperfection

I've always been a bit of a perfectionist, and life as an imperfect person in an imperfect world gets me down sometimes.

In the worst moments, I get into a sort of spiral. I get discouraged by my weaknesses and failings, and I get sad, and then I feel guilty that I am being a drag to the people around me because I'm sad. When it gets bad enough I just want to go crawl into my bed and pull the covers over my head and not speak to ANYONE, because I'll inevitably make mistakes and hurt people sometimes and disappoint people sometimes. The weight of that can be immobilizing.

But I'm learning to recognize where those feelings come from. Satan loves to poke at our weaknesses. He wants us to believe that we aren't good enough, that our weaknesses reflect our inherent worth, that we can never be better than we are, so why try?

The Savior doesn't work like that. The Savior will help to identify our weaknesses and ways we need to change. Then, He helps us make that change! He helps us see how to improve. Through the power of His atonement, He heals our imperfections and helps us become better than we are today.

Ether 12:27 tells us, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

The Savior always brings us hope, never despair. He gives us a hand up and shows us a better way. His call is a call to action.

Satan likes to kick us while we are down. He wants to isolate us and cut us off from our loved ones. One of his tricks is to get us to freeze in our tracks, to stop us from doing the good that we can do.

Elder Holland gave a great talk about this last conference. I guess it's time for me to review it again!

I need to remember Paul's words too: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

God of Miracles

Trevor and I are taking the church's Personal Finance course (part of the Self Reliance offerings) and we are loving it so far!

This week, we studied the principle of exercising faith in the Savior. (We begin each class by studying a gospel principle, and then we connect that principle to finances.) Part of our homework was to go home and study certain stories from the scriptures, including Daniel and the lion's den, and Elijah and the widow of Zarephath.

What struck me as I read these stories is how easily we mortals can be blinded by our own wisdom. God is all powerful. He created the world and it does His bidding. He knows the end from the beginning.

But sometimes, I think we forget that. Sometimes I find myself falling into the trap of not trusting His word, because I can't see how it will come true.

I look at the story of the widow of Zarephath. Her country was in famine. She only had enough food left to feed herself and her son one last time, and there was no hope of more food coming. She was prepared to cook one last meal, and then starve.

And then Elijah came to her. I don't think she knew him before this--but he came and asked her to feed him some bread. She told him of her desperate circumstances, but he told her--go and make him a little cake first, then feed herself and her son. If she would do this, her food supply would last her until the famine ended.

How much faith did it take for her to act on his word? But she did, and that little bit of food she had left miraculously never failed. She and her son survived the famine.

I look at her example and wonder, would I have her faith in that situation? Or would I rely on my senses and my past experience and say that of course, I couldn't do this. I hardly had enough food for one last meal and nothing he did would stretch it to make it last longer. If I lacked her faith... I wouldn't have received the life saving blessing she received.

I will never know what I would do in her place, but I can do my best to follow her example in my life. I can work on trusting the Lord, even if with my mortal eyes, I can't see a path before me that leads to the end He's promised. I am ashamed to look back and acknowledge that I lost faith in His promises to me that I would find the right man eventually and get married. It took so much longer for Trevor to appear than I expected that my faith faltered. But he did appear, and I would have been so much happier if I had just trusted in God's word all along. I need to remember that for my challenges in the future! I may not see the way to get through them, but God does, and if I rely on Him, He will lead me.

Grandpa Hansen

This last weekend, Trevor and I traveled to Pocatello for his grandfather's funeral. Trevor wrote a beautiful musical arrangement for the grandchildren to sing for the service, and he accompanied them on the piano. I think his grandpa would have loved it.

I didn't know Grandpa Hansen well, but in the time I got to spend with him, he was always so welcoming and loving. Of course I was a bit nervous joining a new family (I really wanted them to like me!), and it meant so much to me to be welcomed in with open arms.

He knew his death was coming, and he met it bravely. Trevor and I called him a week or so before his passing to say goodbye. He told us, "It's okay, I have lived a good life," and we could tell he meant it. He did his best to handle funeral preparations so his family wouldn't have to worry about it. My grandfather did that as well before he passed. It's a great final gift of love.

In the past few months, Ralph, President Monson, and now Grandpa Hansen have all passed on. Because of that, death is very much on my mind. What do I want to do with my life on the earth? What kind of legacy do I want to leave, and how do I want to be remembered? All three of these men were great men who changed people's lives for the better. I want to be like that someday too.

During our time in Idaho, we spent a lot of time with Trevor's extended family--aunts, uncles, and cousins (not to mention great-aunts and family friends!). At first I felt a little out of place, since I only knew a handful of people there and everyone else was related to each other. But they all went out of their way to make me feel welcome and like part of the family. I'm grateful for my in-laws, and I hope I can be as welcoming when our kids-in-law come along (looking pretty far ahead down the road, I know!)

Our New Prophet

On January 2 this year, the prophet of our church, Thomas S. Monson, passed away.

He has served as the prophet for the last 10 years. Before that, he was in the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. He's always been a church leader throughout my entire life, and I will miss him and his beautiful talks! But I know he is happy to be reunited with his sweet wife Frances. He has been physically suffering for quite a while now, and now he is at peace.

There have been 4 prophets in my life time. I don't really remember the first one, Pres. Ezra Taft Benson, who died when I was six. My main memory is my mom reading the newspaper about his death and showing me the article. I don't remember much about Pres. Howard W. Hunter either, except for one vivid memory of General Conference (a meeting held twice a year when the leaders of the church speak to all members across the world). I was still very young and not paying much attention, but my mom told me I needed to come listen when the prophet spoke. I remember sitting down and looking up at the screen to see him. (This was back when we had to go to the stake center to watch the broadcast!)

President Gordon B. Hinckley came next. He was the prophet from 1995 to 2008, from when I was about 8 to when I was 20. He was the prophet of my youth, and I mourned greatly when he passed. It took me a little while to accept that President Monson was now the prophet. But I remember when he was sustained in General Conference in April 2008, I received a powerful witness that he was the man God had called to lead our church. I am grateful for his service and his testimony over the last 10 years!

Today I watched his funeral with my family. The final speaker was President Russell M. Nelson, the man who will soon become our next prophet. (When a prophet dies, the most senior member of the Apostles--that is, the man that has been serving as an apostle the longest--becomes the next prophet.) As he spoke, I received a strong spiritual confirmation that he is now our prophet. I love President Nelson and I know he will do a wonderful job.

The work of the Lord always moves forward!

Facebook Pseudo Fast

I like Facebook entirely too much. I realized not that long ago that I was checking it first thing in the morning and last thing before I went to bed.

So I am cutting back! Deleting my Facebook app didn't work, so I actually asked Trevor to change my password. I'm only getting on once a day, and sometimes once every two days. It's amazing how little I seem to be missing on there. I think this was a good step for me.

I still have my Messenger app so I can see if people talk to me (I figure that's like texting, right?) but if anything goes on in a group or on my wall or something, I will be a little slow to respond. Just a little head's up.

Word of the Year: Lift

This year, my word of the year is LIFT.

Robert D. Hales (one of the apostles of our church) strives to follow this proverb in his marriage. I want to do the same. One of my goals for this new year is to do all I can to help and strengthen my husband, and I know he'll do the same for me. 

This year, I also want to be better about serving other people around me and "lifting up the hands which hang down." I need to be less focused on my own problems and instead reach out to help others.

The way we talk to ourselves really does make a difference in how we perceive the world. I'm too often my own harshest critic, and sometimes that paralyzes me and prevents me from performing at my best.  This year my goal is to be kind to myself and engage in positive self talk, not negative!

What is your word of the year this year?