Saturday, June 25, 2016

Survived

Guys, I think we've survived this grant app (knock on wood!) Everything is written, it's all been edited. My boss has it in a PDF format, and tomorrow she's going to formally submit it.

On Monday I will go back to my regular work responsibilities (I have some catching up to do in that department) and my regular social life.

I'm both relieved and a little sad, strangely. Working on a grant app teaches me a lot about myself, believe it or not... about my abilities, about how much I've grown in my company since I was hired as a brand new, painfully shy graduate. And... there is something nice about losing yourself in one focus for a few weeks. All the other stresses in life melt away because you just don't have time to deal with them right now. Now it will be back to real life and all the problems that come attached with that.

Weird, huh? But mostly I'm just glad that it's done. I think we did a great job. I'm hopefully we'll hear good news this fall.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Outlining

Okay, one last thing. I was having a rough time outlining my novel, since I'm used to being a "pantser" and making things up as I go rather than plotting things out ahead of time.

But outlining the fanfiction was easy. At first, I started by writing out the events in the film that I wanted to cover. Then I realized that I was parroting the actual film too much... fanfiction is supposed to bring something new, right? So I started expanding things... and I started seeing the beauty of the outline. It was much easier knowing what to add in where, because I could see how it would add up in the bigger picture.

For example... there's a scene where an uncle gets very angry at his nephew for many complicated reasons, but the one he vocalizes is that the kid is drawing when he's supposed to be doing something else. Cue a much earlier scene I added in that explains why his artwork is so very upsetting.

Seeing the whole picture helped me think through what elements and themes were needed to tie together into the great whole.

Tl:dr version.... Outlining my fanfiction is converting me to outlining in general, and giving me insight into how to outline my novel better. I think for some of it, I need to work backwards. Begin with the end game in mind, and think through what would need to happen in the beginning to raise the stakes.

Hayley often quotes the Fantasy Fiction Writing Formula, a how-to book she loves, that you have to write a million words before you can be a good writer. This fanfic may be silly, but it does count towards million words, and I'm already learning a lot from the process. And, getting into the healthy habit of writing every day without stressing about it too much. The amazing thing is, I'm reasonably happy with my work, even though it's certainly rough and unpolished.

Growth all around. :)

PS: I'm up to 5 readers now. Yep, it's literally just a handful, but man... does that have me jazzed!

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Lessons from My Experiment

So.... I promised myself I would never speak of my dorky fanfiction experiment again...

Apparently that was a lie. Huh.

I posted it up on Fanfiction.net on Saturday. I kept working on it during the weekend and it ballooned up to 6 chapters, but nobody was reading it. That wasn't a surprise. Actually, that was part of the plan. It's scary to let internet strangers read your stuff.

Last week during my grant writing madness, I also finally signed up for a DeviantArt account. That website is more geared to... well.... art, but there is a fanfiction section... I didn't get the account with intent to post anything. Actually, I didn't even have a fanfiction when I got it. I wanted an easy way to save my favorite pictures (there is some gorgeous work on there!) and pinterest wasn't cutting it.

During the process, I liked a fanfiction in the same category that I ended up writing in. Apparently in DeviantArt etiquette, it's polite to thank someone who favorites your work, so the author popped onto to my wall to thank me. I thanked her for her awesome story and admitted I like her version way better than the real thing.

And then I got brave and posted just the first chapter of my fanfiction. DeviantArt is way harder to navigate than fanfiction.net. I've been reading fanfiction since 2004 (at least, that's when I made my account!) so I know that site pretty well, and it's easy to upload stuff. (Makes sense, since it's an all-text website.) DeviantArt... man, that was a tough one. I thought of asking some friends for help, but I was way too embarrassed to do that because then THEY'D SEE WHAT I'D WRITTEN. Hahaha.

Anyways, author girl popped back up on my wall to thank me again for my nice compliment.... and she saw what I'd posted! And she submitted it to a fan group for that particular topic! And she favorited it, and told me she liked it and hoped to see more.

Do you see the exclamation points building!!! Hahaha... I liked that feedback way more than I should. By the end of the day, I had 3 readers. I mean, on the one hand that's like, pssssh, hardly anyone. But I am so excited anyway!! Three people read my work (from 1 o'clock in the morning, nonetheless) and they liked it!!

One of those people is THE number one fan of this fandom. No really, it's true. It's not the biggest fandom in the world... She has more fanart and fanfiction than anybody else, she's met the writers behind the scripts and even did an internship with them, so she knows lots of plot details no one else knows (because when she was geeking out over this thing, she was right there with the creator to ask him whatever questions she had and get real answers.) Anyway, I've read her stuff a lot and really liked it.

And she favorited my dumb little fanfiction! And talked for a while, I think our comments went back and forth for 4-5 times.

I was so excited by all this silliness, I ended up getting inspired to write a new, better chapter 2 than what I had posted on fanfiction.net originally. Already it has two favorites (from two of the three who liked the first one) and number one fan girl is now following all my posts on DeviantArt.

It's not a big deal at all so why am I so excited?!? (Oh yeah! It's because I'm a DORK!) Apparently I needed to get my writing up on the internet before this, I guess.

All in all... I think this is a good experience that will help me with my own book. It's giving me a little more confidence in my abilities as a writer. And it's helping me take a step back and analyze some of my strengths as a writer.

There's a lot I need to do to improve, but you know what? I'm semi-decent at tugging people's heartstrings. I know how to pack an emotional punch. I know a bit about human relationships and how we all get so tangled up in how we relate to other people, it impacts everything we experience and feel and do.

That's what I'm doing with this fanfic. And that's part of what I want to do with my book.

Part of my problem is that my two greatest strengths (well, at least what I like to write the most) are polar opposites: family drama and ridiculous off the wall humor. It's hard to mix the two without getting serious mood whiplash in the narrative.

Oh well. I'll figure it out somehow. :)



Monday, June 20, 2016

Fuzz Helped Me Out With Work Today

I was petting her next to my laptop, and the next thing I knew, she was up on the keys.

Look, she's even smaller than the computer mouse! Love this little girl.



Sunday, June 19, 2016

Fanfiction

Oh man, guys... This grant app is making me crazy or something. I'm smashing through all kinds of walls.

First, TVTropes, and now.... Fanfiction.

I've always been a casual fan of fanfiction. When there's a book or movie or TV show I'm particularly passionate about, sometimes I'll seek out fanfiction. It's hard to find good ones, but sometimes I'll find ones that expand the stories I love so much in new and exciting ways.

I've never tried writing fanfiction. On occasion I've let myself daydream about alternate plots to things, or what characters must have been thinking. But I've never tried fanfiction.

Until.... this morning, from 1 to 2 am, when I wrote a (fairly awful) first chapter of a fanfiction piece.... and POSTED IT ONLINE.

The craziest thing is that I've since added another chapter to it.

Probably no one will ever read it, which is probably for the best. I won't tell you what it is exactly, but it's a fanfiction of something that means it will probably quickly be buried in the archives of fanfiction.net.

It's a really rough thing that I just threw together (did I mention I wrote the first chapter... basically imagining the thoughts of a particular character and exploring his motivations throughout the main story. A lot of the real plot is rehashed. It's nothing to be proud of, but for some reason I am so proud of myself for writing it up and putting it out there.

I should be working on my novel outlining instead. But even though this is just a silly fanfiction piece... It's probably good for me to just be writing something! Exercise those creative muscles. Who knows, maybe it will help me with my book. It can be my warm-up lap to some real writing.

Friday, June 17, 2016

Nature Therapy

Today was a stressful day. The first draft of the grant app was due by the end of the day.

I made it! Whoo!

But man, was I wrung out by the end of the day. So I packed up a notebook and walked over to a park a little ways from my house... and just sat there writing for half an hour. Brainstorming novel ideas, working on my outline. It was wonderful, very peaceful with no distractions. So much easier to think in that kind of peace and quiet.

I need to do that more often.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

TV Tropes

Good news! I'm achieving my goal of blogging more and sharing more of my real thoughts and feelings, rather than just generic airbrushed things sanitized for public consumption.

Bad news: I am hardcore revealing how much of a dork I am through my honesty. :)

So today's nerdy topic: TVTropes. One of my favorite websites. Basically, TVTropes is a catalog of tropes: that is, a catalog of storytelling devices encountered in film, literature, video games, etc., etc. For example, one of the tropes is called a "Disney Death." This is a scene, usually occurring at the end of a story, where it appears that a character has died. Other characters mourn, the reader/viewer gets upset... and then we learn that everything is okay and that character is alive after all! Disney movies are notorious for this--we see this in Snow White, Pinocchio, and Frozen, among many others.

That's an example of a plot trope. There are many, many kinds of tropes, examining things like characters, setting, and even dialogue, not just plot points.

TVTropes lists tropes in two ways--1) by trope (so you can go to the Disney Death page and see examples of this posted from all kinds of media), and 2) by story. So, for example, you can go to the Pinocchio page and see all the tropes in that film that TVTropers have identified and labeled.

Basically it is a nerdy writer's paradise.  I love analyzing the stories I read and watch and hear, and with TVTropes, I have trope names I can use to label the different deconstructed pieces of the story.

TVTropes is a wiki of sorts. About a year ago, I tentatively made an account and made less than a handful of contributions. Well, I don't know if it's the grant getting to me or what, but tonight I went CRAZY. I've probably added a good 20 trope examples all over the place on the site. It's really fun! We'll see if other people have to go back and clean up my work since I'm a newb, but I'm encouraged because my contributions from a year ago are still there, untouched and even expanded upon.

Finally, a healthy way to channel my overanalyzing of everything I read and watch! Look out, internet, I've got a lot to say about this stuff and apparently I'm not afraid to say it anymore.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

The Day the Wall Almost Ate My Hamster

Sure, Fuzz has one of those cute little hamster balls to roll around in (pink, of course, what else?). But sometimes I take her to a safe place and let her just roam around freely.

This almost ended in tragedy the first time.... when I let her out in my bathroom without remembering I had a glue trap behind the toilet, to catch spiders (but it would work for catching hamsters, too). Until she went behind the toilet and I freaked out and threw the trap away.

Other times have gone better, but we haven't returned to my bathroom because of the bad memories. Today, though, I decided to let her run around for a bit in there while I was getting ready. I did a sweep of the room first to check for horrible surprises like forgotten glue traps, but I was confident that everything was hamster-proofed and hamster safe.

So I let Fuzz out, and she runs around happily. And within two minutes... she runs up to just underneath my bathroom cabinet, in the very corner against the wall. She stands up to sniff something. The next thing I know, she's climbing UP into something, and then she's gone. I naively open the cabinet, thinking she may have gotten in there somehow.

Nope. That's when I discovered a lovely little hole on the underside of the cabinet, opening up into a random chunk of space in between the cabinet and the wall. It was just the right size for a hamster to squeeze through, but I had no way to get in there and no idea what was back there.

I may have... panicked. A little bit. Pictures of Fuzz getting trapped forever came to mind, and I wondered how much it would cost to rip that wall apart and put it back together again. I could hear her running around in there but I had no idea what she was getting into.

So I ran and got a handful of food and held it to the hole, calling her name. She did not reappear. I wondered if she would even be able to climb back out. Okay... clearly, I needed a... a hamster ladder. Yeah. Something I could lower through the hole that she could climb up. Did I have anything like that? I poured the food back into her food bag and looked around. Not seeing any immediate options, I tried to fit my hand down the hole. I got two fingers in. And right away I could feel Fuzz's nose and whiskers brush against my fingers, sniffing me.

I stood up and started digging through my toileteries. Would a comb work? No, how would I even fit that inside? Maybe... a pony tail ring?

Then I looked down, and there was Fuzz, grooming herself on the rug. I think she smelled food on my hand and that inspired her to come out.

I was spazzing, and she was totally calm and happy about her little adventure. Is this what my parenting will be like? I promptly scooped her up and got her back into her cage.

Moral of the story: Unless you have gotten down on a hamster's eye level and looked all around... you do not know if somewhere is hamster proof.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Secret of Kells

If you're in the mood for the sort of movie that rips your heart out and stomps on it and leaves you haunted for a while, I'd like to recommend the Secret of Kells.



It's available for free viewing on Hulu!

No, really, though, it's a great movie and I like it a lot--but not for kids, despite the fact that it's animated. It's an Irish animation film--I went to see it at BYU's International Cinema a few years back with my friend Lena, but unfortunately there was something wrong with the audio that day, so we missed a lot of the dialogue.

Something on TVTropes inspired me to give it another try, and since it was available on Hulu, I went for it.

The basic plot: Kells is an Irish village in the year 800 AD, a time when the Vikings were raiding, pillaging, and burning Ireland on a routine basis. The Abbot of Kells (Cellach) is determined to build a wall to protect his people from the Vikings (called the Northmen here) to the point that he's become obsessed with it and he forces all the monks in his monastery to focus all their efforts on building it. The Abbot is raising his young orphaned nephew, Brendan, with a very strict hand--but it's obvious that he loves the boy deeply, and Brendan loves his uncle.

A newcomer arrives--Brother Aidan, one of the best illuminators in the world. He teaches Brendan how to draw the beautiful illumination drawings you'll find in medieval copies of the Bible (actually this whole story is based very loosely on the Book of Kells, one such Bible... and the animation is designed to look like that style of medieval art. It's breathtaking.) Aidan is much more loving than the Abbot. He feels it's important for the monks to continue to create books, so people will have access to the knowledge therein, rather than just focus on the wall.

Aidan convinces Brendan to go against some of his uncle's strict commands, including venturing into the forest where he meets a beautiful young forest sprite named Aisling. She's bristly at first, but they quickly become friends (and they are young enough that that's all they are! Around 10-11 or so.)

Brendan is a little bit torn between his two father figures (you know how I love family dynamics in movies. :) Neither one is perfect. Cellach isn't wrong to want to protect his people from a very real threat. Aidan isn't wrong to value books and carrying knowledge to the people. Cellach is only trying to protect Brendan with his strict orders (but denying him autonomy and keeping him too stifled). Aidan is only trying to help the boy spread his wings by encouraging him to go against his uncle sometimes (but unfortunately this puts his life in danger, at times, and causes a rift between the boy and his only living relative).

Cellach comes off as a jerk at times, right until the end of the movie (although he's never bad, really, just obsessed.) But I love him anyway... especially because I read the free prequel comic for the film. Ten years before, Cellach was working on a manuscript in a monastery when he receives word that the local village is under attack. He immediately drops everything and rushes to the village, frantic to save his sister and nephew. He's a BIG buff dude, btw, he can handle Vikings. He makes it to the village but his sister and brother-in-law are dead. He manages to save baby Brendan though, even fighting off 3 Vikings at one point in order to do so.

The comic makes it incredibly clear just how much  he loves his nephew. He would do anything to protect him. And, you understand why he becomes so obsessed with the wall later. He's haunted by  the loss of his sister and brother-in-law and their ENTIRE village. He never wants that to happen ever again, and he's doing everything he can to prevent it.

So, here's the spoiler, if you don't want to watch and you wonder why I'm haunted: The Vikings do attack. The wall isn't done yet, but Cellach hopes it will hold and tells everyone to stay put. He locks Brendan and Aidan in the scriptorium, in an effort to protect them. Aidan wants everyone to flee to safety. Cellach doesn't.... and then his wall backfires. The Vikings get inside the wall, the people can't get out, 95% of all the characters in the film die. It's not graphic and it's done from a distance, but the implications are there and they are horrifying.

Cellach has already got 2 arrows sticking out of him when he realizes Brendan and Aidan are still locked in the scriptorium. He desperately races to save them, but the Vikings stab him in the back and he collapses. Meanwhile, Brendan and Aidan manage to escape... only to see Cellach laying bleeding in the snow. Brendan cries out and tries to get to his uncle, but Aidan tells him there is nothing they can do... and they flee, Brendan sobbing.

That's when Cellach wakes up and sees Vikings pouring out of the burning scriptorium, and he starts crying because he thinks his nephew is dead, and that it's his own fault for locking him up. Argh... His face in this scene... It's even worse knowing he is probably having flashbacks to when he first saved Brendan 10 years ago. He wants to die too, like almost everyone else, but he survives the attack with a few others. The only other surviving monk tells him he must get up and carry on as their leader, and he does.

Fast forward TWENTY years. Cellach is an old depressed man still haunted by all those deaths, especially his nephew's. Brendan shows up back at Kells and they have a happy reunion........ but why did it have to take so long? Cellach has been suffering for 20 years, and he says he has little time left. Why couldn't they have been reunited sooner?!? Ahhhhhhh...... I am seriously rewriting this ending in my head so that they are reunited much sooner! Maybe... 2 years later instead of 20? Yeah. And then Brendan could still grow up with his uncle, and his uncle would probably heal emotionally sooner, and be a lot more loving towards Brendan......

I am such a sucker for happy endings, and that one was very bittersweet.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Granting

Remember around this time last summer, when I was stressed out of my mind working on a grant application?

Guess what I'm up to right now? :) My company has decided to apply for another grant, and we didn't find the grant announcement until there were only 3 weeks left to put things together. Last go around, there were 3 people on the grant writing team, but one of those three is on vacation in Asia, so it's just me and my boss, working hard to crank out this app. The first draft is due by next Friday.

I'm making good progress, I think. I'm only responsible for writing 30 pages (my boss is writing 80!!), and so far I have 10. The first day or two I was really stressed out. But now, I'm doing much better. It helps that the future of our company isn't dependent on this grant... It would really help us to get another grant, but we won't go under without it. It probably helps too that this isn't my first rodeo!

Actually, in some ways grant writing has been helpful, because every night when I'm done, I've given myself permission to just crash instead of running off to YSA activities or working on the long list of non-work responsibilities we adults have to deal with. I watched Zootopia twice in the last two days, guys. And on Tuesday I went to see Captain America: Civil War.

Last night was really great, because I got to spend time with my family like old times. Back in the day, when we were all kids, we spent most of our free time hanging out together. Usually we were more interested in being together than in going off with our friends (introverts unite!). Now, though, we're all adults with busy callings and jobs and social lives, and it's rare that we spend an evening together.

Last night, we just sat together for a few hours after dinner, talking, making exciting plans for when Jason and Kristie get back (we'll see if they come to fruition!). Eventually we put Zootopia on and watched that. It was incredibly relaxing. I probably need to make spending time with my family a bigger priority.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Timeline

Today I took a few minutes to write out a rough timeline for my novel. By that I don't mean a scene by scene timeline of the plot, but a timeline of historical/personal events related to the characters, big life events like births, deaths, marriages, and divorces, as well as the big catalyst event that shapes the whole story.

It was incredibly helpful! I've had a rough idea of the backstory, which involves some things happening 50 years before the main plot. But mapping out the character details helped me realize it hasn't been a perfect 50 years... it's been 38. Otherwise, some of the adults who witnessed that main event would be way too old to be in the main story (possibly dead, in some cases). Pretty important to realize!! Besides, doesn't something happening 38 years later sound a little less contrived than a perfect 50?

The timeline helped me make some other useful connections too. For example, one character lost his son--but I'd never realized that his young coworker is exactly the same age as his son. So... maybe they have more of a father-son vibe to their relationship than I initially considered.

There's still a lot of ground to cover, but I'm already getting excited about this outlining process. Stepping back and seeing the whole picture gives a very helpful perspective that I think will lead to a stronger story. I just need to keep this up!

Sunday, June 5, 2016

New Writing Goals

Today, clicking side links through a variety of writing articles, I came across this one:
How I Plot A Novel in 5 Steps. It has some basic ideas that I really want to try out! In the writing world, they talk about pantsers and plotters--people who just figure out their stories as they go, and people who plan everything out ahead of time. I've always been more of a pantser, but all to often I write myself into corners, or draft what I think is a great opening... but have no idea what to do next. That's pretty much where I am at the moment, actually. :)

This author likes to start her plot with two things in mind, the beginning, and the end. I usually have a beginning, a great idea of the relationship complexities of the characters, a more iffy idea of the plot... but right now, at least, I don't have a clear goal for the ending. If I don't know where I'm going, then how can I expect to figure out the rest?!?

So, first goal: begin with the end in mind. How do I want things to end?

Second goal: (dang it, this isn't in the blog post I linked to, and I can't seem to retrace my steps to find the right post)--write out a list of all the scenes that I already have in my head, things I really want to have in the novel. Just fling them out, in no particular order... yet. Then, once I have my list, take a look at my beginning and my end, and sort the scenes into an order that makes scene. Watch for unexpected connections between scenes.

Third goal: Start filling in the blanks! Take the approach of, so what happens next? And then? And then? Just draft it all out in a loose outline, so I have an idea where I am headed, until hopefully, I've got a coherent structure.

Fourth goal: Write this puppy out! Let's achieve that lifelong goal of writing a book. It doesn't have to be particularly brilliant, and it doesn't even have to get published (although of course, that would be the ultimate dream). Let's just start by getting one written!!!

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Summer

Summer really creeps up on you in Colorado Springs.

All May, we had so many fake outs. Beautiful, sunny, seventy degree days followed immediately by freak blizzards.

But now it's June, and it's been a long while since the last snow storm. One day I stopped and looked around, and realized that everything is beautiful and green, the sun is still up past 8 o'clock at night, and the sunny weather seems to have settled in to stay. It's finally, finally summer for real!

I want to make it a good one. :) I need to come up with one of my classic summer bucket lists. Stay tuned!

Friday, June 3, 2016

Asleep on the Wheel

Small little Fuzz victory tonight. :)

At first, Fuzz wouldn't let me pet her. When I tried, she'd flip her body around (so fast you could barely see it happen!) so she could smell my fingers and figure out what the heck I was doing. Once she even squeaked at me to knock it off.

But she's used to it now. She'll let me pet her. She just continues whatever she's doing at the time--eating, grooming, whatever. She doesn't try to get away, so I don't think she minds it, but I'm not sure if she really likes it, exactly.

Tonight, she woke up and started running on her wheel. After a little while, she stopped and started grooming herself. I pet her back, for longer than I usually do. She kept grooming. Then all of a sudden she curled up in a ball and stopped moving.

This alarmed me a little bit. Hamsters are hyper little guys, who almost never stop moving. The only times Fuzz has come to a complete and total stop have been times that she was scared out of her mind.



Like when we took this picture with a flash camera. She was happily running around, trying to climb up my arms, and then the camera went off, and she stopped dead  and turned to stare at it.
So I stopped petting her and went away. When I walked by 5 minutes later, I saw she was still in a little ball, motionless on her wheel. At first, this FREAKED me out. But then I realized... she was asleep. She fell asleep while I was petting her.

That's got to be a good sign, right? It must have helped her to relax? And she was really tired, because she'd just gotten up for the night. Fuzz never sleeps out in the open. She'll sleep in one of her shelters, in the den attachment, in her attic, or sometimes underneath her wheel. But there she was, sleeping in the open. Hopefully this does mean that she's learning to trust me, and that she likes it when I pet her.