Reading has always been one of my favorite pastimes. When I was a kid, each time my mom took me to the library I'd check out a good 20 books or so, and I'd always read them before they came due 3 weeks later.
As an adult, sometimes it's not so easy to find the time to read. In grad school, I had to cut back a bit. Since I've gotten married, I've cut back a lot. My husband and I are admittedly pretty tied at the hip. When work is done, we are almost always together doing some shared activity--often something related to housework, or our callings, or whatever, but also fun things like board games and movies and just talking. Something that requires our focus on each other and whatever task is at hand--not prime time for reading.
But I've been feeling an itch to get back into my writing, to finally take my stab at the great American novel. And it's been said many times that you can't write if you're not actively reading.
So I've set a goal to make time for reading every day. I first set the goal about 2 weeks back, and so far it's gone well! I went on my library's CyberShelf page and found something readily available that I'd been meaning to read for a while--Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None. That was a quick read done in just a couple days. I went back to see what else was easily at hand, and stumbled across a thriller novel (that sucked me in with a child psychology beginning) called The Girl With All the Gifts. So far I'm halfway through. This is just like old times. It feels good!
Now to see if I can beat down my perfectionism beast enough to delve into creative writing again...
Tuesday, May 7, 2019
Monday, April 15, 2019
Timing is Everything
At General Conference, Elder Brook D. Hales of the Seventy gave an awesome talk on answers to prayer. He said that "Sometimes our most earnest and worthy desires are not answered in the way we hope, but we find that God has greater blessings in store."
That really hit me. Sometimes when our prayers aren't answered right away, it's because God has a better plan for us than we are hoping for ourselves.
Lately I've been pondering the timing of Trevor and I finding each other. I'd expected to get married a lot younger than 30. I went to BYU anxiously hoping to be a "BYU success story" and find my eternal companion. (Also, to get my education!! Despite the common assumption about girls in my major, I was not there just to find a husband, but I did hope that it might happen along the way.) Four years went by... No husband. I remember spending my graduation ceremony with a friend of mine who experienced life the way I'd hoped I would--she had a crush on a cute boy during her freshman year, she wrote him faithfully during his mission, and when he got back, he finally asked her out. Soon they were married and tackling college life together. I remember at the end of our graduation, my friend and I went in search of our families. Her husband ran up to her to congratulate her, and she flung herself into his arms. There it was--my dream, playing out for someone else. Meanwhile I had yet to find a serious boyfriend.
But what I didn't know then, what I couldn't know, is that my dream guy was four and a half years younger than me. A month or so after I graduated from BYU, Trevor graduated from high school. We couldn't be together yet then. God knew that, and so He tried to counsel me to be patient and wait for the right guy and the right time.
I didn't understand. I was so impatient. Over and over I prayed to know what I could do to find my husband. I promised that I would do anything. Most of the time the answer I got back was, "Really? Anything?" "YES! Anything!" "Then... keep waiting!" AHHHH! I hated that answer so much.
All along though, God had a plan for me. He knows the end from the beginning. He knew that Trevor and I would meet one day and have our happily ever after, but it wasn't the right time just yet. Trevor had a mission to serve, and then a couple of degrees to finish. Trevor's aerospace program was pretty grueling. He didn't have much time to date while he was studying.
Within a week of him graduating, we were dating. The time was finally right. And he was worth every second of anxious waiting. I love him so much, and I'm so grateful that we are together.
I know there are many more challenges in life ahead. I'm hoping that I can remember this lesson--trust God's timing over my own. His plans are greater than ours, and He wants what is best for us. We have to trust that His vision is greater than our own.
That really hit me. Sometimes when our prayers aren't answered right away, it's because God has a better plan for us than we are hoping for ourselves.
Lately I've been pondering the timing of Trevor and I finding each other. I'd expected to get married a lot younger than 30. I went to BYU anxiously hoping to be a "BYU success story" and find my eternal companion. (Also, to get my education!! Despite the common assumption about girls in my major, I was not there just to find a husband, but I did hope that it might happen along the way.) Four years went by... No husband. I remember spending my graduation ceremony with a friend of mine who experienced life the way I'd hoped I would--she had a crush on a cute boy during her freshman year, she wrote him faithfully during his mission, and when he got back, he finally asked her out. Soon they were married and tackling college life together. I remember at the end of our graduation, my friend and I went in search of our families. Her husband ran up to her to congratulate her, and she flung herself into his arms. There it was--my dream, playing out for someone else. Meanwhile I had yet to find a serious boyfriend.
But what I didn't know then, what I couldn't know, is that my dream guy was four and a half years younger than me. A month or so after I graduated from BYU, Trevor graduated from high school. We couldn't be together yet then. God knew that, and so He tried to counsel me to be patient and wait for the right guy and the right time.
I didn't understand. I was so impatient. Over and over I prayed to know what I could do to find my husband. I promised that I would do anything. Most of the time the answer I got back was, "Really? Anything?" "YES! Anything!" "Then... keep waiting!" AHHHH! I hated that answer so much.
All along though, God had a plan for me. He knows the end from the beginning. He knew that Trevor and I would meet one day and have our happily ever after, but it wasn't the right time just yet. Trevor had a mission to serve, and then a couple of degrees to finish. Trevor's aerospace program was pretty grueling. He didn't have much time to date while he was studying.
Within a week of him graduating, we were dating. The time was finally right. And he was worth every second of anxious waiting. I love him so much, and I'm so grateful that we are together.
I know there are many more challenges in life ahead. I'm hoping that I can remember this lesson--trust God's timing over my own. His plans are greater than ours, and He wants what is best for us. We have to trust that His vision is greater than our own.
Thursday, April 4, 2019
Lost at Sea
Crazy dream last night.
Trevor and I lived on an island in a chain of islands. I was on a Relief Society committee (Relief Society is the women's organization in our church). There were 9 of us, including a couple women I know from my real life. We wanted to go visit the sisters in our congregation, but they lived on multiple islands in our chain, so the only way to go was by boat.
Our boat was small--basically just a big canoe, although we didn't use paddles to move it (motorized?). I have a terrible fear of drowning so I didn't really like traveling in the boat, but I did it. We made our visits. Finally, towards the end of our journey, I got off on an island to run an errand or something. The other sisters continued without me. And... that was the last time anyone ever saw them. On their way to their next destination, they were captured and kidnapped by pirates. A ransom note was sent, but that was it.
Then the dream fast forwarded, and it was 2 or 3 months after the kidnapping. There was still no sign of the women, and no one knew what had happened to them. Were they still alive? Where were they? I plagued by survivor's guilt. I desperately wanted to find them and I thought about them all the time, but there was nothing I could do. I kept talking to Trevor about how scary it was that I was almost taken too, that it was a 100% certainty that I would have been kidnapped if I hadn't decided to get off when I did. I couldn't believe that I'd come so close, and I was relieved I was safe, but also feeling guilty that I was safe and the rest were lost.
My dreams can be so random sometimes! I wonder what triggered this one?
Trevor and I lived on an island in a chain of islands. I was on a Relief Society committee (Relief Society is the women's organization in our church). There were 9 of us, including a couple women I know from my real life. We wanted to go visit the sisters in our congregation, but they lived on multiple islands in our chain, so the only way to go was by boat.
Our boat was small--basically just a big canoe, although we didn't use paddles to move it (motorized?). I have a terrible fear of drowning so I didn't really like traveling in the boat, but I did it. We made our visits. Finally, towards the end of our journey, I got off on an island to run an errand or something. The other sisters continued without me. And... that was the last time anyone ever saw them. On their way to their next destination, they were captured and kidnapped by pirates. A ransom note was sent, but that was it.
Then the dream fast forwarded, and it was 2 or 3 months after the kidnapping. There was still no sign of the women, and no one knew what had happened to them. Were they still alive? Where were they? I plagued by survivor's guilt. I desperately wanted to find them and I thought about them all the time, but there was nothing I could do. I kept talking to Trevor about how scary it was that I was almost taken too, that it was a 100% certainty that I would have been kidnapped if I hadn't decided to get off when I did. I couldn't believe that I'd come so close, and I was relieved I was safe, but also feeling guilty that I was safe and the rest were lost.
My dreams can be so random sometimes! I wonder what triggered this one?
Sunday, March 3, 2019
Don't Be Afraid to Hit a Wrong Note
Today was a very snowy, icy day. Which meant that a lot of our choir decided to stay home instead of coming to practice.
I was horrified when I walked in ten minutes late and realized I would be the only soprano. There were only 2 altos... and somehow plenty of men! Trevor realized this was my worst nightmare and whispered to me that maybe I could try being an alto today.
I've always been a self conscious singer. Choir is helping me become more comfortable, but somehow I still live in fear of being the one sour note in the choir, of being quietly excused by the director because I have nothing to add. I can't really read music--it seems like a lot of people can sight read it, but I can't. I have to hear it, and what helps me the most is to follow the people singing next to me. So when I'm the only soprano, I flail.
Fortunately one other soprano came a few minutes later. I sang along, but quietly. I get quieter when I know people can hear me, which is bad because you have to be loud to hit some of those high notes.
Then the sweet alto next to me gave me some advice. "Don't be afraid to sing out! Just go for it--if you hit the wrong note or make a mistake, that's okay. I just made a huge one!" She came in at the wrong time once, and you know what, I didn't think anything of it. She caught it, she corrected it, no big deal.
It hit me later that this is really good advice for my whole life. I am a bit of a perfectionist. Sometimes it's worse than other times. Lately, for whatever reason, it's been really really bad... perfectionism mixed with anxiety that leads to analysis paralysis. I'm so scared to mess up or do the wrong thing that sometimes I don't end up doing anything at all, or I berate myself for everything I do because it just doesn't seem to measure up. And when I inevitably do make a mistake when I'm in this mode--oy! It's so hard to forgive myself.
But I can't let the fear of failure keep me from living my life. I need to get out there and "sing out"--I need to live my life doing the best I can. Sometimes I will say the wrong thing and hurt someone's feelings. Sometimes I'll burn dinner or break a plate. Sometimes I'll try to help someone and just make things worse. All of that is part of life. The trick is to not hold back to avoid making mistakes--holding back means missing out on living. The trick is to learn how to pick myself up and keep going after I fall.
I need to remember too that other people probably aren't judging me as harshly as I am judging myself. Even when they do judge me, that doesn't matter. My worth (like everyone's!) is infinite and eternal, and it never decreases. My Savior suffered and died to save me, and He would have still done it if I were the only person in this world. That's a comforting thought.
I was horrified when I walked in ten minutes late and realized I would be the only soprano. There were only 2 altos... and somehow plenty of men! Trevor realized this was my worst nightmare and whispered to me that maybe I could try being an alto today.
I've always been a self conscious singer. Choir is helping me become more comfortable, but somehow I still live in fear of being the one sour note in the choir, of being quietly excused by the director because I have nothing to add. I can't really read music--it seems like a lot of people can sight read it, but I can't. I have to hear it, and what helps me the most is to follow the people singing next to me. So when I'm the only soprano, I flail.
Fortunately one other soprano came a few minutes later. I sang along, but quietly. I get quieter when I know people can hear me, which is bad because you have to be loud to hit some of those high notes.
Then the sweet alto next to me gave me some advice. "Don't be afraid to sing out! Just go for it--if you hit the wrong note or make a mistake, that's okay. I just made a huge one!" She came in at the wrong time once, and you know what, I didn't think anything of it. She caught it, she corrected it, no big deal.
It hit me later that this is really good advice for my whole life. I am a bit of a perfectionist. Sometimes it's worse than other times. Lately, for whatever reason, it's been really really bad... perfectionism mixed with anxiety that leads to analysis paralysis. I'm so scared to mess up or do the wrong thing that sometimes I don't end up doing anything at all, or I berate myself for everything I do because it just doesn't seem to measure up. And when I inevitably do make a mistake when I'm in this mode--oy! It's so hard to forgive myself.
But I can't let the fear of failure keep me from living my life. I need to get out there and "sing out"--I need to live my life doing the best I can. Sometimes I will say the wrong thing and hurt someone's feelings. Sometimes I'll burn dinner or break a plate. Sometimes I'll try to help someone and just make things worse. All of that is part of life. The trick is to not hold back to avoid making mistakes--holding back means missing out on living. The trick is to learn how to pick myself up and keep going after I fall.
I need to remember too that other people probably aren't judging me as harshly as I am judging myself. Even when they do judge me, that doesn't matter. My worth (like everyone's!) is infinite and eternal, and it never decreases. My Savior suffered and died to save me, and He would have still done it if I were the only person in this world. That's a comforting thought.
Wednesday, February 27, 2019
Young Shelece Writing
I've been going through boxes and boxes of my old stuff lately... Things that used to be stored in my parents' basement.
I'm starting to think I never got rid of anything, ever. :) It's fun to see all the reminders of my past life, and also a little trippy. I thought a lot of this stuff was gone for good.
I found a ton of old stories that I wrote in my youth. In my elementary days, I went through a horse loving phase where I read and wrote about girls and their horses. Since I was a suburbanite with very little contact with horses, I got very creative sometimes. :)
In middle school and high school, I wrote comedy novels mostly. I really enjoyed reading through those... especially the comedy fantasy novel I wrote back in middle school. The plot is pretty loosey goosey and it was definitely written by a 13 year old, but you know what, the dialogue actually is funny. I was surprised how much I enjoyed it after all this time... but then, I am biased. :)
As I've gotten older, my writing has gotten more dramatic. It's funny, I tend to either write pure comedy or very dramatic. It's hard to decide which tone to take. Reading through my teenage writings that were almost always comedy... I wonder if that is what I should go back to! It is a lot of fun, and I do enjoy making people laugh.
Monday, February 18, 2019
Molly's Gotcha Day
Today marks 2 years since I brought this cute little bundle of fur home! Hard to believe it's only been that long.
She sure has grown up!
Saturday, February 2, 2019
My 100 List
I read an awesome article in the BYU magazine today that really inspired me. "Make a 100 List and Thrive." The basic idea is this: Life is what you make it. Make a list of the 100 things you most want to do in this life, and then make them happen. Live the life you've dreamed. Making a list and planning is the way to achieve your dreams rather than wasting your potential.
It got me wondering, what's on my 100 list? What do I most want to do with my life? I've started my list, although I have a long way to go. Dr. Taniguchi (the man featured in this article) has a rule that he can add to his list, but he can't take anything off. I don't think I can commit to that. Life changes and what I want out of life changes from time to time too. Even so, I'm really trying to ponder what the deepest desires of my heart are....... It will take a lot for something to make this list, so it'll probably be short for a while, but eventually I'll reach 100! I don't want to put anything on there just for the sake of reaching the number--I really want to record 100 things that are meaningful to me.
I've decided too that it's okay to include some things I've already done, lifelong dreams that came true. It's very motivating to be able to cross some things off the list right from the start. :)
Anyway, here's my baby list, waiting to grow. Since my laptop hard drive is on the brink of failing (yesterday it told me my "Documents" folder no longer existed....) I'll store it here in the cloud. They aren't in any particular order... except for the first 3, which are my most important lifelong dreams I've had since I was a little girl.
Shelece's 100 List:
Get married November 4, 2017
Be a mom January 11, 2020
Write a book
Graduate college April, 2010
Get a master's degree April, 2012
Be a published author 2012. So far I've got 4 published articles (first author on 3), a textbook chapter, and some Healthy Relationships California in-house research publications. Someday I'd love to add fiction to this list!
Go to Hawaii November 5, 2017
Go to Europe (especially UK and France!) July 2016, October 2019
Go to South America
Go to Australia
Go to Asia
Go to Africa (basically I want to see 6 out of 7 continents... I have 0 interest in Antarctica. :)
Adopt a puppy February 18, 2017
Buy a house August 2018
Serve a mission
Learn a foreign language fluently
Learn how to ride a horse
Ride in a hot air balloon
Eat gator meat
Try asam pedas fish
Take my kids to see fireflies
Take my kids to the church history sites
Go to a floating lantern festival November 7, 2015
See the Northern lights
Visit Bourtange
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