Minor Update

I've made it to day 4 of the digital minimalism challenge! This isn't the farthest I've made it in the past, but I figure if I publicly report in somehow, I'll be more likely to stay on track!

Not a Digital Minimalist

Ugh....

Guys, I'm not a digital minimalist.

To recap, I tried to do a 30 day fast from all optional technologies. It... hasn't gone well. I've messed up and restarted about a bazillion times over the last month. It's pretty ridiculous, actually. But I'm just more attached to technology than I ever realized!

But here I am, trying again... another day 1 I suppose. I think part of what I need to do is set clearer parameters. Sometimes in the modern world, you have to access optional technologies, and right now it's fuzzy for me when I'm doing something reasonable, and when I've broken the fast and need to start over.

Also, I probably need to allow myself some little slip-ups. Part of what's happening is I'll mess up just a little bit, go out of habit to a website and spend a few minutes there or something. Then instead of just getting off and resolving harder to stay away, I'll decide the day is already moot so I might as well visit my other favorite websites. 😅

Okay, so here's some basic rules/steps for success:

1. StayFocusd--This gem of an add-on blocks you from accessing your list of banned websites during certain hours of the day. I have it set up to run with my work hours, 8 am to 6 pm (I don't work quite that long, but typically somewhere within that window).

Issues with this: for starters, I need to extend the hours it runs to go beyond my work day to protect my evenings too. I need to run the nuclear option more often--when you turn it on (and you can turn it on anytime for as long as you like) all websites on your banned list are blocked. If you try to go there, you get an animation of a screaming man saying, "Shouldn't you be working?"

Also, I need to limit how many minutes I'm allowed to access those sites per day. Right now it's set to a generous hour--you can't set it to 0 minutes, but I'll bump it down to 10.

Then, even if I slip up and visit a website I shouldn't, I'll be blocked! ...As long as I'm on my computer. You have to pay to use the phone app version of StayFocusd (called Freedom).  Freedom will even block app usage, but I don't want to pay the monthly subscription fee to use it. I'll just have to be disciplined about not accessing the internet on my phone.

2. Acceptable visits to banned sites--sometimes I have legitimate reasons to visit a website. As long as it's a quick visit, I think it can be permissible:

• Pinterest--I can't surf it, but I can come here to access a recipe or look at a particular pin I have saved. I use this as a storage place for my links, and there are times I need to access one for a perfectly good reason like making dinner or doing some car maintenance.
• Goodreads--I can record my reading to keep that accurate, and I can spend a little bit of time here looking for new books to read. No mindless surfing--I've caught myself doing that a lot recently since it's one of the few social media sites I didn't ban.
• Facebook--I can visit for a specific, quick purpose, like posting something for work, checking someone's birthday, reviewing a post in the Relief Society group. I had Trevor change my password, so I can only get on when he's with me--he can help me stay on track. It's hard for me to resist looking at my notifications while I'm in there. Fine, take a quick quick look if I must--but can't spend more than 5 minutes on Facebook ever, and definitely can't scroll around my newsfeed. If at all possible, I need to navigate directly to the page I need (HRC page, or RS group page) rather than the newsfeed.
• Facebook messenger--it's still okay to communicate with people here and through texting. But, I need to be careful not to overly rely on this. And I need to be mindful that I don't neglect the people in front of me in favor of messages on my phone.
• News sites--Can't spend hours reading the stories like I used to be guilty of. But I can check in briefly when something big has happened. Like, it's okay to read an article or two about the Democratic debate the day after. It's fine that, when I heard about the 2 shootings last week, I  went to read about what happened. Again, the key is to go with a purpose, and keep the visit brief.
• Surfing the web--mindless surfing is a no. But some searches are helpful and necessary and therefore allowed. Intent is the key.
• Blogger--I still think it's okay for me to write blog posts, and read people's posts. I just can't spend time mindlessly surfing here just because it's a site I'm allowing myself to access.

3. Handling slip-ups--StayFocusd helps a lot with these, but not on my phone. If out of habit I access something (or in a moment of weakness, I pull something up) I don't have to completely restart the 30 days, as long as I catch myself and stop pretty quickly.

No Good Very Bad Day

Hi friend. How has your weekend been so far? I hope that you are having a great one.

Mine is... not off to a great start. Warning, this is definitely a vent about a (gross!) crazy day!

The Denver temple is closed for 3 months for some renovations (July-October). Trevor and I set a goal to drive up to the Fort Collins temple at least once a month in the meantime. We didn't hit that goal last month because first I got sick and then he caught it. But we were excited to set out today.

The problems started early on. Last night, I checked the temple schedule to figure out which endowment session to go to. Fort Collins is 2 hours away, so we needed to time things right. I could swear there was a 1:30 session. That's what we planned on. We got out the door at 11:15... I called the temple to verify the schedule, and it turned out... there isn't a 1:30 session. There is a 1:00 session that we now had no chance of making. The next session wouldn't be until 3. No problem, Trevor said. We could do other things before the 3:00 endowment session.

So we kept going on our merry way. Trevor drove, and I read to him from the Primary manual (the little kids' Sunday School curriculum) so we could plan our lesson for tomorrow. We made it to Denver, our halfway point. I'm not usually one to get motion sick, but I was getting a bit carsick. I ignored it because it wasn't that bad, and it was important we get our lesson done.

Then... WHAM. All of a sudden, things got unbearably bad. I stopped reading and tried to will myself to get better. I'm not going to get sick... I'm not going to get sick... Yeah, positive thinking didn't work. I told Trevor, "Uh.... I might need you to pull over." "Why?" "I might... throw up." He had time to say, "You think you're going to throw up?" and then I delivered on my promise. Yuck.

A couple positives... there wasn't that much (thank you, light breakfast!) and I didn't get any on Trevor's car. I protected the car and just threw up all over myself. Awesome.

It took Trevor a little while to get off the highway and find a gas station... I tried to sponge myself off with the paper towels out by the window cleaning stuff. Then I swallowed my pride and endured the humbling experience of walking into the gas station in a black dress covered in sick. I cleaned myself off as best as I could in the bathroom, but... yeah. No way was I in any shape to go into the temple. Fortunately Trevor had some old work clothes in the back of his car that I changed into.

Do I look manly and tough?

I wanted to give up and go home, or at least have Trevor drop me off while he went without me. But Trevor knew how much I'd looked forward to this trip.... so, somehow he talked me into shopping for a new dress and continuing on our way. We found a little shopping center with a Marshall's, an Old Navy, and a Nordstrom Rack.

In our faith, we wear modest clothes--and we define that as covering our shoulders, covering our chest, and at least knee length. It is SO HARD to find a dress that meets those criteria, and I only had 30 minutes! I struck out at Marshall's and Old Navy only had sleeveless sun dresses. I charged in Nordstrom Rack determined to find something in 10 minutes to less. It took some work, but I finally settled on a dress that I liked. It had sleeves, it went past my knees. I left the dressing room to show Trevor and he liked it too, so we were off (with a quick stop at McDonald's to get Trevor lunch, and to give me a chance to change in the bathroom).

We made it to the temple with 8 minutes to spare. As we were frantically dashing in, I discovered something about my new dress. Sure, it looked fine when I stood still and looked in the mirror (or stood still and showed Trevor). But... when I was walking, it quickly became apparent that I'd missed a minor detail.... It has a slit in the front that goes up mid-thigh. GAHH! We wear sacred garments under our clothes that go down to our knees, and mine was just hanging out, flapping in the wind for all to see. Turns out white stands out A LOT against dark green. 😕 I just kind of held my temple bag in front of it awkwardly as we went in. Inside the temple, we change into all white, so I was okay once I got into my temple dress. After our session, when I got back into my regular dress, I attempted to pin the slit closed. It didn't work. I'm not great with pins.

Also on my way out, I got lost!! It's not that big of a temple, I'm not really sure how it happened. I made one wrong turn and got completely disoriented. Fortunately one of the sweet temple workers noticed I was wandering in circles and pointed me in the direction of the door. 😖

Oh well. The endowment session itself was a good experience.... hopefully our next trip to Fort Collins goes better.

7 Years with HRC

I was hired by Healthy Relationships California on July 12, 2012.

That means I've been with my company for seven years!! That's longer than I was at BYU for both degrees. I remember when I first joined the company, it seemed like everyone else had been there for years and years. I felt like such a newbie.... which I was, of course.

Over the past 7 years, I've learned so much from my time with HRC. I'd like to think I'm a lot more professional than the new grad they decided they could train up. :) I've been part of a Healthy Marriage grant, a Responsible Fatherhood grant, and a contract for psychosocial education courses in the San Diego County jails. I've written up research reports and government reports. I've written for blogs and newsletters, and who can forget the years I spent responsible for updating the Facebook and Twitter pages every morning? I've learned to negotiate with workbook companies and keep track of inventories. I've updated our websites and monitored our incoming traffic. And I've worked with so many inspirational, talented people. All of this while working from home and almost never in an office setting!

Sometimes I've ventured outside my home. I've had business trips to California, first bimonthly and now more like biannually (which has worked out nice, now that I have a little family I hate to leave behind). I've gone to government conferences in DC (last time with a tour of national monuments with my bosses) and an excellent National Association of Relationship and Marriage Education conference in Anaheim (with an evening trip to Disneyland with my coworkers). I've met some of my heroes from my grad school studies, because my bosses seem to know everyone in the field.

I'm so grateful for my time with this company. When I was little and you asked me what I'd be when I grew up, I didn't foresee a career in family research. But it is such a good fit for me. I'm glad life has worked out the way it has.

Happy Fourth of July!

Happy Independence Day! I hope everyone had a good one. Trevor and I spent ours up in Island Park Idaho with his family. (Let me tell you, it was a great way to start my digital minimalism fast up there, where there was no internet or cell phone signal).

We had a great time! On the first day, Trevor took me on my first ATV ride.

Totally posing. Trevor did all the driving. :)

In the afternoon, the family went jet skiing. (I had to sit out due to some health issues, but it was still fun to watch!)

On the second day, Trevor, Kathy (my mother-in-law) and I headed in to Yellowstone and visited our favorite places.

Top 2 favorites are definitely the Grand Prismatic Spring (in my opinion, one of the prettiest places on Earth!) and Artist's Point!

This time we hiked up past Fairy Falls to see the bird's eye view of the Spring. 10/10, would definitely recommend!

Artist's Point

On the last day, six of us went on a fishing trip with a guide. It was my very first time fishing, but I managed to catch 5 fish! (All thanks to Kerry, our awesome guide!) Trevor caught 8. It was catch and release, so after we hooked them, we let them go.

I caught the first fish on our boat! That's Kerry, our guide. He was so patient with all my newbie mistakes.

Trevor's biggest fish

I made so many newbie mistakes fishing, it was pretty hilarious. I got the fly line stuck in the rod a million times. I accidentally turned the reel backwards and tangled the line, more than once. I somehow crossed my line over Trevor's twice even though we were fishing on different sides of the boat. But the best moment was when Trevor and I both had fishes hooked, and in the middle of reeling mine in... my reel CAME OFF THE ROD. It fell to pieces. Apparently this is not a normal thing. We still aren't sure how I could have done that. The guide started trying to put it back together, but then he needed to help Trevor with his fish. Kerry handed me my rod.... and then Trevor's fish, fighting with all its might, swam to my side of the boat and got tangled in my line. 😮 Kerry had to take the rod back from me to try to solve that problem, and in the process, the reel innards fell to the floor and rolled away. It was an adventure. But Trevor did get his fish!

Maybe next time will go better. It was still fun.

We finished out the day with a trip to the Playmill theater to see the Foreigner. That play is hilarious, I definitely recommend it if you haven't seen it.

We had a great few days and I'm so glad we got to go.

Gardening is Hard in Colorado

Ugh. Colorado weather 2, Shelece 0.

Back in the spring, one of the trees in our front yard sprouted the most beautiful hot pink blossoms. Only a few of them had opened, but there were little buds all over the tree. I was thrilled and eagerly awaited the day when all the buds were open.

Yeah... Then we had a freak late May snowstorm that froze all the blossoms to death, and that was the end of that.

So, this week our knock out roses started blossoming.

Again, my favorite color, beautiful flowers. I was so excited!

And yesterday we get hit with a major hail storm, and... well...

Yeah, that's the same flower.

Dang it Colorado!!

Digital Minimalism

A couple months back, my assistant shift coordinator at the temple told me about a great new book called Digital Minimalism. The basic premise is that many of us have gotten way too caught up in the many technologies that are available, and so we need to cut back to those things that are most essential in order to reclaim our lives.

I put it on hold at the library right away. I know I have a problem with technology. My phone is practically glued to my hand at all times. I've managed to curb my social media addiction a bit but only because Trevor set the password so I can't get in without him. Sometimes when he signs me in, I manage to stay on for a few days in a row, and the pull to look at my newsfeed is still strong, even though it's never very fascinating. It seems that most people are pulling away from social media a bit. My friends and family don't update as much as they used to.

Turns out the book is very popular, and I was in a long wait list at the library. I finally got to check it out at the end of June. I'm only a little ways through it right now, but it's a great read so far that does an awesome job of explaining the intentional psychological manipulation behind several apps and technologies, carefully designed to suck people in and keep them there.

Pretty soon the author issues a big challenge: give up all optional technologies for 30 days. Reset your life. Go out and remember what other interests you have and what you used to fill your time with before the smart phone era.

Then, at the end of the 30 days, really think through what technologies add value to your life, and what you can do to optimize their impact while avoiding negative side effects. Only let back in the most valuable things, and be aware of how you spend your time.

So, here we go. This is my official public commitment to 30 days of no optional technologies. To me, that means no mindless internet surfing, limited social media (I can think of a few potential legitimate needs that might come up, like checking the RS Facebook page for activity details), no pointless phone apps for the sake of fun or distraction. On my laptop, I've reactivated the StayFocusd extension that blocks certain websites during certain times, and I've limited my access to websites that tend to distract me. If I forget and try to visit those pages, StayFocusd stops me with a friendly message, "Shouldn't you be working?"

I think I'm still going to let myself blog, since to me that's just a form of journaling. You can take "optional technologies" pretty far--I'm still going to have an occasional movie night or what have you. We don't have access to any TV channels so we don't watch a lot of mindless TV, but we did take Netflix and Hulu off our Roku for now to prevent mindless scrolling through the options there. I'm not going to completely cut out Facebook Messenger and texting, but I'll try to cut back and focus more on face to face visits, and focusing on the people right in front of me.

Wish me luck! I really want to cut back on my smart phone obsessions and get back to living a healthier lifestyle.