Change

I've tried to start writing a blog entry a couple times today, but I never get past a sentence or two before I stop. I guess I am feeling like I don't have a lot to say that would be interesting to other people... This may end up being more of an introspective journal piece.

The summer is rapidly winding down. It always makes me a little sad when I stop working for the summer. Last year I was particularly sad because I thought it was my very last summer working at my dad's office. Then I came back this year! And I think by far this has been the best summer. I will miss my job. The funny thing is... this probably WAS my last summer, for reals this time, working for my dad, but it doesn't feel that way... I guess the fakeout last year left me skeptical that things are really ending.

Normally as I approach a new school year, I get really nervous. I don't like transitions. It's hard for me to leave my family and go back to school. I think part of this is because my BYU friends have a pretty high turnover rate... When I'm going back to school, my BFFs from the year before have usually graduated/moved/gotten married/left on missions.

But you know, this year I am actually excited to go back! A lot of my friends will still be there! I love my grad program and I'm looking forward to delve back into it. I am moving back into a ward I love too. I'll be in the same apartment as last year and I am even keeping one of my roommates. Best of all, my little sister will be living with me this year! :D:D:D

At the same time, there will be lots of changes. As usual, a lot of my close friends from last year are no longer in Provo... even those who are still in Provo have moved out of the ward. While I was gone during summer term, the bishopric was released and a new one put in. While a few people will still be around from last year, most people in the ward will be completely new. Most of the second year students in my program have graduated and gone and there will be a new group of first year students arriving.

I am looking forward to meeting new people and making new friends, but a part of me is nervous that I won't make as many friends this year. This is nothing new... I worry about this every year and things work out! I guess I just need to relax.

Beyond this year, big changes are ahead! If all goes well, I will graduate from BYU in April. I'm not really sure what will happen to me after that. I am considering all options that are possible: jobs available, PhD programs... I am also thinking of serving a mission. Everything feels so up in the air. It's hard for me not knowing what's coming next. I'm not even sure where I'll be living a year from now!

I guess all I can do is pray and do my best to figure out what my next step will be. At some point things will become clear. Certainly a year from now I'll have a much better idea of what direction my life is taking (I hope!). I need to try to view this as exciting instead of terrifying... my family members keep reminding me that this is supposed to be an exciting time of life.

Anyway, those are some thoughts on my mind right now. I guess in sum, right now I am looking forward to the future and excited for this last year... but at the back of my mind, I know that so many things are uncertain, and I feel like I should be much more concerned than I am. Oh well. If I'm happy, I should just be happy right? Maybe things will work out more easily than I'm expecting. And if not, I guess it doesn't really help to be stressing out in advance.