Myths that Scare People Out of Real Relationships

I originally wrote this piece for my job, but the Communications Director felt it was too similar to another piece we did on myths (I think he was right). So I decided to share it here instead. :)

What’s scarier than ghosts and goblins? Try rejection, abandonment, or (for some) commitment. Dating and relationships can be downright terrifying. Are your fears holding you back from experiencing a real relationship? Here are some common relationship myths that scare people out of real relationships, and some remedies to overcome them.

Myth #1: You only have one soul mate.

Books, movies, and songs on the radio focus on finding your soul mate—your one perfect match who can make your wildest dreams come true. Some singles agonize over finding their one and only soul mate—the one person out of the 7 billion in this world who can make them happy. They are afraid to commit because what if the other person isn’t who they are fated to be with? The truth is that are many people each of us could have a happy marriage with. Each person chooses their “soul mate,” and makes them into their one and only. Over time together as a couple, spouses grow closer together and become “soul mates”.

Some people become so fixated on finding a soul mate that it hurts the relationships they do have. When their relationship runs into trouble (and all relationships do!), they assume it means they are with the wrong person, and so they end the relationship and head off to try again. Relationships are not perfect—there will be hard times couples face together. This is true with any relationship.

Myth #2: Love hurts more than it’s worth.

A relationship involves giving your all to another person. If the other person doesn’t feel the same way, it can be an incredibly painful experience. Rejection or a breakup can be devastating. But isn’t it worse to be left wondering what might have been? Everyone gets a little battered and bruised in the search for love, but the happiness and security someone feels when they do find that special someone more than make up for the pain that comes before. As they say in A Cinderella Story, “Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game!” If singles sit out on the sidelines of the dating world for fear of getting hurt, they may cost themselves the chance to find someone.

Myth #3: Marriage is a 50/50 chance

We often hear the statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce. This might give the idea that success in marriage is a flip of the coin—a 50/50 chance of staying together. But that isn’t the case! This statistic reflects current trends in marriage, not every couple’s likelihood of staying together. If a couple is worried about the possibility of divorce, there are steps they can take to strengthen their relationship. They should consider attending a relationship or marriage education course to help make their relationship the best it can be. Still looking for a partner? A relationship education class can help singles choose wisely.

 Myth #4: Love doesn’t last.

This one is closely related to #3. Maybe someone’s parents divorced when they were a child. Maybe one of their relationships ended. Maybe someone gets discouraged by the tabloids advertising the latest celebrity breakup. In any case, some singles may be worried that love just doesn’t last. But it can, and it does. Look to examples in the media—President Obama and his wife just celebrated their twentieth anniversary. Billy Crystal has been married to his wife Janice for 42 years. Meryl Streep has been with her husband Don Gummer for 33 years. Focus on the positive marriage role models out there. Love isn’t easy. It takes work. But it can be forever, and for many people, it is.

Myth #5: You have to be established before you can have a relationship.

Does this sound familiar? Someone holds back from a relationship because first, they need to graduate, they need to get a job, they need to become financially independent? Love often doesn’t come at a convenient time, and it almost never comes when people expect. If love comes into someone’s life a bit earlier than expected, they should consider carefully whether they do need to meet their goals before pursuing a relationship. Sometimes, it is best to wait. Other times, people use their set time frame as an excuse for avoiding relationships—and they often regret it later on.

Myth #6: You don’t deserve it.

Sometimes people fall into the trap of thinking they are not good enough to be in a relationship. These people tend to be insecure and unsure of their own worth. Remember, no one is perfect. Everyone has traits and habits that they need to work on. But the truth is that right now, exactly as you are, you are loveable. You deserve to love and be loved. If this is something you struggle with, consider attending a relationship education course or meeting with a counselor to help you realize your worth.

It’s time to face your fears in relationships and dating. Don’t let these myths hold you back from experiencing a real, loving relationship.