Goodbye Max

Today we had to say goodbye to Max.

There was an accident when I was in DC. He was accidentally run over by one of the family cars a couple nights ago. Dad and Shauna nursed him as best they could all that night and the next day. They waited for me to get home before taking him to the vet, because I think they knew already that'd we'd have to let go and that I'd want to say goodbye.

I stayed with him last night and we kept him as comfortable as we could. But he couldn't move his back legs, and occasionally he would cry out in pain.

By morning, I understood too that he needed a release from his pain and suffering. Since Dad was working, Shauna and I took him to the vet. I was still hoping maybe there would be a way to save him.

The vet told us Max's pelvis was fractured badly. It would require a very extensive surgery to reconstruct it, one that would take weeks of recovery, and there was no guarantee that he could ever use his legs again. At his age, it would be very rough on him. Or, we could let him go. He gave us some time to call our parents and make the decision.

So we called, and together as a family we decided to let him go. It was a hard decision, but I think it was kinder than him enduring the pain of such an extensive surgery. I was praying desperately for guidance, and when we made the decision, I felt a deep reassuring peace that we were making the right choice.

The vet was working two critical cases at the same time (one of them being Max) so he was gone a lot and we had time to pet Max and tell him we loved him for a long time, maybe as long as a half an hour. At first, he was frightened and moaning and trying desperately to drag himself off the table with his front legs. He doesn't like the vet's. I think he was scared to be there again, remembering past surgeries he'd had to endure, and having his humans sobbing (despite our best efforts!) just panicked him more. But soon he calmed down. He settled onto the exam table, wrapped in a blanket, and started to drift off to sleep, long before the doctor came to administer the sedative. First, the vet sedated him. Then he came back with the final injection. He warned us it would be quick, less than a minute. I was shocked that it was almost instantaneous.

But I felt peace, even in the sadness, and I know Max is better off where he is now. No more pain. He can walk again--for the past few months, even before the accident, that's been a struggle for him.

I'll miss him a lot. He was 15 and a half. I've had him for over half my life. I'm grateful that I moved back home when I did, so I could spend his last months pampering him and showing him how much I loved him. And I'm grateful that he didn't slip away last month--that we had the gift of one last month with him before he went.