I've never been huge into make up. I don't know how to contour my face, I've never figured out lipstick. I just stuck to concealer, foundation, and mascara, with occasionally a bit of eyeliner or lip gloss. But man, did I stick to that concealer/foundation/mascara! I wore it every day all day, putting it on first thing and taking it off right before bed. I suffered a lot from acne as a teenager and early-twenties lady, so I was very self conscious of my face and I tried to keep it covered up. There were years in Provo when my own roommates never saw me without makeup.
So, then I married Trevor. I wasn't surprised when he told me he wasn't a big fan of makeup. Guys say that sometimes, but usually what they mean is, they don't like tons of makeup that looks fake. They like a little bit of natural looking makeup and they don't realize that it's makeup.
I was surprised when it turned out Trevor really didn't like makeup. It took me a long time to believe that he really liked my bare face without anything to cover it up... but that is really his preference. Slowly I started experimenting with skipping make up for days at a time. I work from home, and so I'd leave off the makeup on days when I knew Trevor would be the only one to see me. I'd put it on if I needed to leave the house for anything. But life got busy, and so sometimes I dared to leave the house without putting makeup on.... Somehow, the world did not end. People didn't react to me much differently than they had before. So... that has slowly become my new normal. I still put makeup on every once in a while, but most of the time, I don't bother with it. Somehow, Trevor thinks I am beautiful anyway.
This weekend I sorted through some of my boxes I hadn't unpacked yet. I came across a box that was stuffed with makeup. I've never quite found a foundation that matched my skin tone just right, but I've sure tried hard. There were lots of bottles of different foundations, some hardly used as I realized they just weren't going to work for me. There were mascaras and eyeliners and even some blushes, things I'd purchased during my single years in hopes it might help me win over a man (irony of ironies!).
Some of it was old and gross and easy to toss. Some of it still looked promising, so I spent some time testing out different things to see if anything was worth keeping.
It was weird. There I was, looking at myself in the mirror and going through the same motions of putting on foundation that I did every day for years. I never thought twice about it before... but this time, it seemed kind of silly. This time... I realized I did like my natural skin better than any unnatural product.
Maybe if I could find a foundation color that actually looked good on me, I'd feel differently. Maybe Trevor is getting to me and maybe I'm just getting used to seeing my face this way.
I have nothing against makeup or women who wear it. For me though... it's sort of liberating to not feel like I need it anymore. I feel more confident in myself as I am, and that's a great feeling!
Although I admit I also tried some lipstick yesterday and I was surprised how much I liked that! 😅
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