A Million Beginnings

So, that writing challenge I am attempting...

It's in conjunction with a writing conference that is coming up, so my professor has interviewed a few different writers about their methods of starting a book.

One of them talked about writing multiple first lines, multiple beginnings, until something really clicks with her and sticks. I've been giving that a try. The challenge is to write a new opening line everyday for 30 days. I'm way behind on that, but I have drafted 5 or 6 different book openings at this point. The challenge is, none of them have stuck yet, but... it is helping me get my ideas out there and think through what I really want to write about. Hopefully one of these times something will click. Wish me luck!

Deleting my Facebook?

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm thinking of deleting my Facebook.

I'm addicted to social media, sad to say. It got to the point where it was the first thing I looked at when I woke up, the last thing before I went to sleep. Any time I had free time, my first instinct was to pull up my Facebook and Instagram apps.

About a year ago (ish) I got Trevor to change my passwords to both Facebook and Instagram. Now I can only get on when he signs me on. That has helped me a lot. But you know, when he does get me on, I run into the same old problems. I get sucked in for longer than I should. While I have it available, I'm on it constantly.

And lately I've noticed whenever I do get on, it just makes me sad! I've heard of course that social media can be linked to depression and to comparing the best parts of other people's lives to your own struggles. I thought I had the perspective to not be affected by that, but tell you what, if I'm on Facebook I swear it takes me less than 5 minutes to notice myself getting sad or upset about something.

So the logical thing to do is to get rid of it. But can I really bring myself to do that? I've been on there for 13 years... It's a great way to communicate with friends and family.  It's got a history of my entire adult life.

Eh... maybe I can keep weaning myself off of it.

Life Unmasked

So I noticed a paradigm shift yesterday.

I've never been huge into make up. I don't know how to contour my face, I've never figured out lipstick. I just stuck to concealer, foundation, and mascara, with occasionally a bit of eyeliner or lip gloss. But man, did I stick to that concealer/foundation/mascara! I wore it every day all day, putting it on first thing and taking it off right before bed. I suffered a lot from acne as a teenager and early-twenties lady, so I was very self conscious of my face and I tried to keep it covered up. There were years in Provo when my own roommates never saw me without makeup.

So, then I married Trevor. I wasn't surprised when he told me he wasn't a big fan of makeup. Guys say that sometimes, but usually what they mean is, they don't like tons of makeup that looks fake. They like a little bit of natural looking makeup and they don't realize that it's makeup.

I was surprised when it turned out Trevor really didn't like makeup. It took me a long time to believe that he really liked my bare face without anything to cover it up... but that is really his preference. Slowly I started experimenting with skipping make up for days at a time. I work from home, and so I'd leave off the makeup on days when I knew Trevor would be the only one to see me. I'd put it on if I needed to leave the house for anything. But life got busy, and so sometimes I dared to leave the house without putting makeup on.... Somehow, the world did not end. People didn't react to me much differently than they had before. So... that has slowly become my new normal. I still put makeup on every once in a while, but most of the time, I don't bother with it. Somehow, Trevor thinks I am beautiful anyway.

This weekend I sorted through some of my boxes I hadn't unpacked yet. I came across a box that was stuffed with makeup. I've never quite found a foundation that matched my skin tone just right, but I've sure tried hard. There were lots of bottles of different foundations, some hardly used as I realized they just weren't going to work for me. There were mascaras and eyeliners and even some blushes, things I'd purchased during my single years in hopes it might help me win over a man (irony of ironies!).

Some of it was old and gross and easy to toss. Some of it still looked promising, so I spent some time testing out different things to see if anything was worth keeping.

It was weird. There I was, looking at myself in the mirror and going through the same motions of putting on foundation that I did every day for years. I never thought twice about it before... but this time, it seemed kind of silly. This time... I realized I did like my natural skin better than any unnatural product.

Maybe if I could find a foundation color that actually looked good on me, I'd feel differently. Maybe Trevor is getting to me and maybe I'm just getting used to seeing my face this way.

I have nothing against makeup or women who wear it. For me though... it's sort of liberating to not feel like I need it anymore. I feel more confident in myself as I am, and that's a great feeling!

Although I admit I also tried some lipstick yesterday and I was surprised how much I liked that! 😅

A Tale of Necklaces

Which is sadder... that I somehow inexplicably have both halves of a best friend necklace I remember giving to someone in Elementary School, or that I've completely forgotten who gave me the other best friend necklace?

Trevor and I are working through the boxes my parents brought from their house, which contain junk I've collected for my whole life. It's amazing the stuff I'm finding!

Challenge Accepted

Here I am, fresh New Year's Resolution in hand to FINALLY finish my book this year.

And my beloved former Creative Writing professor from BYU shares a challenge on her blog. Will we join her and write a book together this year? By that, she means she is going to post step by step what she does as she writes her next book for publication, and she invites her blog writers to keep pace with her as they write their own books.

Challenge accepted! I'm really excited. I think this could help me out. If you'd like to check out her blog, here's the post.

The first step she talks about is coming up with a concept.

For me... I've sort of been trying to write the same story since I was 12 years old. (That means I have been trying for 19 years. Holy cow!) Over time, there have been a lot of changes to the plot lines, to the characters, to the setting. But it all comes from the same basic root.

What I need to decide is... is it worth continuing? Is there really something here, a story I can share if I only put my mind to it? Or... would I have more success if I threw everything out and started over?

I think I am going to take some time tonight to read through some of my drafts I've done recently and not so recently. Do I really need to start at page 1 (I am a perfectionist and I am very prone to starting over at page 1), or do I have some salvageable material here?

On the perfectionist note... I was reading up on my inspiration author, Laini Taylor, and I found this great blog post she wrote. She is a perfectionist like me, and her writing process sounds a lot like mine! She can't write a rough first draft and then go back and fix it. She likes to go back and fix things up as she goes, and the result is a stronger first draft that is easier to revise into a second. Somehow it's really comforting to hear that's her process... I'm not crazy to write the way that I do.

Word of the Year: Dream

This year, my word of the year is Dream.

Ever since I was a little girl, I've dreamed of writing a book and becoming a published author. I think "Write my book" has been one of my New Year's Resolutions since I was 12. And yet... I've never done it.

It's not too late. A couple years ago, Hayley and I went to see one of our favorite authors at a book signing in Denver, Laini Taylor. She did some Q and A beforehand. She mentioned that she always considered herself a writer, even though there was a long stretch when she didn't do any writing. She didn't finish her first manuscript until she was 35. But now she is a published author of several books, and she has one of the most beautiful writing styles out there (in my opinion!).

Laini gave me so much hope. It's not too late for me. I can still live that dream, if I put my mind to it. I want this to be the year I finally write my book, or at least make very good progress on it!

In college, I had a friend who would always respond to "How are you?" with "I'm just living the dream!" I want to have an attitude like that about my life. I need to be more grateful for the blessings that I have. 

This past year was good, but also really stressful sometimes. I've taken on a lot of new responsibilities and I struggle to balance them all (which worries me about how I'll fit in parenting along with everything else! But I will find a way.) I spend a lot of time stressing and worrying about things.

But... I need to slow down and refocus on the good things in my life. I have a loving husband, a sweet puppy, and a beautiful home. For years I dreamed of a life like this--I need to appreciate and savor it!

What Happens at a Mormon Wedding?

My husband and I were married in the Salt Lake City temple. Weddings in our faith (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints--most people call us the Mormon church) usually take place in a temple, and only faithful members of our church attend. So there are a lot of questions out there about what our weddings are really like and what we are doing inside the temple.

Our wedding ceremonies are simple. They take place in what we call "sealing rooms" (below is a pic of a sealing room in another temple).

Guests are seated prior to the marriage. The bride and groom come in together and sit together on a small couch on one end of the room. The sealer (the man who officiates over the wedding ceremony) speaks to the couple for a few minutes--he will often share advice about marriage and remind the couple of the sacredness of the covenants that they will be making.

Then he calls the couple up to the altar in the middle of the room. The groom escorts his bride to the altar, and the couple kneel across from each other as they are married. The ceremony is simple, sweet, and sacred.  The couple promise God that they will honor and love each other completely, and that they will follow the teachings and example of Jesus Christ. Once the sealing is complete, the bride and groom kiss across the altar, and if they want to, they exchange rings. Some couples opt to exchange rings outside of the temple instead. Either way is fine since the ring exchange is not part of the temple sealing. We chose to exchange our rings in the sealing room.

Sealing rooms have mirrors hanging on the walls on either side of the altar.

One way that our weddings are unique is that we are not married until death do us part. We are married for "time and all eternity"--in other words, for the rest of our lives, and forever and forever in heaven after death. We consider our temple marriages to be eternal. These mirrors symbolize that eternal connection. Since they face each other, their reflections bounce off each other. When you stand together and look into the mirrors, you see your reflections repeating endlessly (see the pic above) into eternity. For me it was a powerful moment to look into those mirrors with Trevor after we were sealed.

After that, the bride and groom usually stand at the front of the room, and as the guests leave, each one has a chance to congratulate them personally (and usually to hug them too). They go outside to wait for the happy couple to emerge from the temple for further celebrations.

In the temple, we dress all in white. This symbolizes purity and that we are all equal before God. Because of this, grooms don't wear their tuxes for the sealing ceremony. It's up to women whether or not they want to wear their wedding dress, but if they do, it needs to be truly white--not ivory or off-white, and it needs to have long sleeves (I've heard that many temples have sleeve insets they can loan you if you have short sleeves). I decided to be married in my temple dress instead of my wedding dress, mostly because I'm a romantic I guess. I knew I'd only wear my wedding dress a couple times in my life, but I'd wear my temple dress often, and I thought it would make my temple dress more special to me if I wore it during my marriage ceremony.

All of that is to say, the happy couple don't emerge immediately from the temple. I changed into my wedding dress and fixed up my hair a bit. Trevor changed into his tux. When we were ready, we came out to greet our friends and family. That's when wedding pictures start in our faith--the moment the newlyweds exit the temple. As they come out, their friends and family are there to cheer and celebrate their new marriage.

Everyone waiting for us outside

You may have noticed that there is no aisle in the sealing room. There is no processional at the start of the service. Sometimes people will still designate bridesmaids and groomsmen, flower girls and ring bearers. But they don't participate in the wedding ceremony. Their main role (at least in my opinion!) is to dress to match the wedding party and to look good in all the pictures. Sometimes they will stand in the receiving line at the wedding reception. But there isn't much for them to do--the title of bridesmaid or groomsman is really just symbolic more than anything.

Since between the two of us, Trevor and I have 5 sisters, 2 brothers, 2 brothers-in-law, and a niece and nephew, we decided that our family would be our wedding party. :)

Missing from the pic--my sister-in-law Kimber.

Of course our parents dressed to match too. :)

Sealing rooms are often not very big, and so often only close friends and family are invited to the actual sealing ceremony. We were married in a sealing room that could only seat 45, and between our extended families, we had more than enough people to fill it up (although we did manage to get a few friends in there too! :).

So in our culture, most wedding guests are invited just to attend the wedding reception. When a bride and groom have families in separate states like Trevor and I, usually the groom's family will host an open house and the bride's family will have a reception, so people in both states can celebrate with us.

Our receptions and open houses are pretty laid back. The sealing is simple, and it is also the most important part of the wedding celebrations, since it is the actual wedding! Receptions and open houses are relatively simple too so as to not upstage the sealing. We kept ours really simple--basically just a chance for people to come say hello and congratulations, and grab a bite to eat while they were there. Some receptions are more elaborate. My sister Kristie had hers at a reception hall, so hers featured all the traditional dances--the first dance, the daddy daughter dance, whatever other dances there are. :) It's up to the bride and groom's taste of course, and I guess Trevor and I are just simple people. The biggest thing we did is cut our cake in front of everyone. We fed each other with forks and were sooooo careful not get cake on our clothes. We were teased a bit for not mashing it in each other's faces, but what can I say? That's not our style. :)

Recently our church released a great Youtube video that explains more about our wedding ceremonies. Here is it if you want to check it out:

I am grateful that through temple sealings, families can be together forever. I truly believe that families are central to God's plan for us in this life and in the life to come (heaven). I know that Jesus Christ's atoning sacrifice opens the way for us to return to live with God and to be with our families eternally. I am so grateful for Him and His love for all of us. I bear testimony of Him in His holy name, Jesus Christ, amen.