Word of the Year Follow-up 2017

A few years back, Melissa challenged me to pick a "word of the year" each year... Essentially one word to sum up my New Year's Resolutions.

This year, I picked "Soar." My goal for 2017 was to soar to new heights. I admit when I chose it, I was struggling deeply with being 29 and single. I always thought I would be a wife and a mother, but I felt like my chances of that were dimming rapidly. Rather than focus on that, I wanted to find other ways to grow and develop as a person.

And I did. I dove more deeply into work and my calling. I learned new skills I'd never had before. I adopted a puppy. I tried to be a better person in every way I could.

In the midst of all this, I helped organize Colorado Springs' annual young single adult ball (Back to the Future themed!). I never once guessed that that ball would be the place where I would finally meet the love of my life.

Something clicked between Trevor and I right away. He got my number that night, but it was two months before our first date (!!!). After the ball he went back to Boulder to finish up his master's degree, and I was left to wonder if he'd lost interest, or if he figured he'd look me up when he got to the Springs.

Once he graduated and moved down here in May, things moved quickly. We were inseparable right away, and in three weeks, we were a couple. In two months, he proposed at the end of my last big YSA event, a conference in Denver.

Now we are happily married. I wish I could go back to last year's Shelece and let her know what was coming.

Trevor helps me soar in ways I never imagined. We really do compliment each other, and life is better together. We are alike in many ways, and in other ways, our differences balance each other out. He is brave when I am afraid. He is a wonderful patient teacher who talks me through trying new skills, and soothes my perfectionism when I'm not good at first. When I work late or have evening obligations, he gets dinner on the table for us. 

Life is better as a team. I'm excited to see what 2018 will hold for us.

Now some story time to explain how Trevor helps me soar.

I have a deep fear of drowning, something that has apparently been ingrained in my family for at least 4 generations (that's a story for another time). I know how to swim, but the ocean intimidates me anyway. But while we were in Hawaii, we wanted to try snorkeling. One of my coworkers even gifted us a snorkel rental, so we were all set! We did some internet research and decided to snorkel in a peaceful bay not that far from our hotel (I think it's called Kapalua Bay).

Us beside the bay after our snorkeling adventure.

But as I stood on the beach in my awkward swim fins, trying to master breathing through a snorkel, I psyched myself out. What if my fins got tangled or something? What if we swam out too deep and the waves got us? I ventured out into the water beside Trevor, trying to be calm, but once I could tell we were swimming into water deeper than I could stand up in, I balked. I told Trevor to go have fun, and I'd stay close to shore.

Trevor knew what to do. He encouraged me just to relax and float for a minute. He showed me that between our fins and the salt water, we could float with no effort. We were in no danger of sinking. That wiped a lot of my fear away in one go. Then he took my hand and led me into deeper waters. The rest of my fears vanished as I realized he would be right there to help me if anything weird did happen (it didn't... the water in that bay was so calm and peaceful and relaxing!).

I am so grateful he got me out there to savor the experience. Snorkeling is like visiting another world. There were so many beautiful bright colored fish, and we even encountered an adorable sea turtle. Once Trevor got me to relax, I discovered that snorkeling is VERY relaxing and not frightening at all. I would definitely give it a try again.

As another example... Towards the end of our honeymoon, we took a day to drive through the rain forest on the legendary road to Hana. GPS signals don't come through great out there, and we went out without a map or anything. We knew there are lots of cool things you can stop to see along the way, and we just identified them by noticing places where lots of cars parked and people got out to look at things. At one point we pulled over next to a bamboo forest. There were a lot of people farther back, congregating at a trailhead of some kind. But as we walked towards them, Trevor found a small opening in the bamboo with stairs leading down onto a narrow path. We followed it down until we found a beautiful waterfall at the end of the trail.

We were the only ones there. It was very romantic! Trevor took the lead winding deeper through the bamboo, until our trail connected with the much wider main trail. We wandered around until we found another bigger waterfall.

No, that person out there isn't Trevor, just some random guy. :)

We ran into many tourists on that trail. We found out there are 3 waterfalls in that area that people stop to see. Two are easy to find--one is not, and that was the one we found first. We gave directions to a few people who hadn't managed to track it down.

Wandering around in a bamboo forest felt like something straight out of an Indiana Jones movie. I loved it. With Trevor around, I felt perfectly safe, but I have to admit, I never would have tried that on my own. He makes me braver.

I'm excited to see what new adventures 2018 is going to offer! Our adventures will probably be closer to home (well, mine will be... Trevor is going to hike Mount Kilimanjaro in Africa late in the year!) but I'm sure they will still be epic. Life in itself is an adventure after all!

Piano Lesson

Be warned--this happy little bride is probably going to write several posts about her new hubby. I'm very much in a sappy newlywed kind of mood. :)

Today I wanted to share a memory from our 3rd date... one of the first times I knew there was something different about Trevor from any other man I'd ever dated.

This was back on Memorial Day. We had an epic full day together planned--first, attending the YSA Memorial Day picnic, then going mini-golfing, and then ending the day with dinner at an Indian restaurant. I was excited for the date, but I was also really nervous about it. I think I realized that we were moving quickly towards a relationship--he'd only been in the area a little over a week, and we'd already spent time together almost everyday. Yet we still didn't know each other very well, and I didn't want us to become involved only for one or both of us to have our hearts broken.

Towards the end of the picnic, we found ourselves inside the church building, and of course Trevor wanted to go find a piano. (If you know Trevor at all, you know he is very passionate about music--and piano and organ in particular). I thought he'd want to play something for me, but instead, he asked me to play something for him. I tried to beg off. I took piano lessons as a kid, but I never enjoyed them. I would rather be off writing a story or reading a book than playing a song on the piano. I gave up piano by the time I hit high school and never looked back.

But somehow Trevor coaxed me into sitting down and attempting a hymn. He offered to play the left hand for me while I played the right. Oh man.... it was a mess. I could barely remember how to read music. I had to stop in between notes to recite in my head "Every good boy deserves fudge" as I struggled to figure out what I should even be playing. Even with that, I still played plenty of wrong notes, and my pace was about at sloth speed. My playing was definitely not recognizable as a hymn. Man, I thought, this is so embarrassing! 

Then it hit me--I wasn't actually feeling embarrassed. There I was, butchering one of Trevor's favorite pastimes, and I realized that somehow I still felt relaxed and at peace. I knew he wasn't judging me.

I am a perfectionist. I hate being bad at things, especially in front of other people. I realized that with any other guy, I wouldn't be feeling this way. With any of my crushes in the past, I would have felt totally humiliated failing at their favorite hobby in front of them. With men I wasn't into, my humiliation would probably have turned into anger that they "made" me do something I was so bad at.

But with Trevor... I felt totally at peace. I felt safe--somehow I knew he was someone I could show my weaknesses to, and he wouldn't be harsh or judgmental about them. I could just be my real self.

That moment and that realization were very powerful for me. Something was different with this man--and knowing that gave me to courage to keep moving ahead to see what would happen next. Thank goodness I did!

Love at First Sight

Please excuse a sappy post from a new bride. :)

Do you believe in love at first sight? I sure didn't.

I guess in my mind, love at first sight played out like the opening scene of Disney's Enchanted. Giselle literally falls into the Prince's lap, they lay eyes on each other for the first time, and after politely asking for Giselle's name, the Prince declares "We shall be married in the morning!" One look is all it takes, and then they ride off into the sunset together back to the Prince's castle.

Totally unrealistic. Completely impossible.

But maybe that's not how love at first sight works at all. I submit that love at first sight isn't love at all in the beginning. It's an instant attraction, an instant pull to each other, a spark and a connection and a giddiness to be with the other person... the sort of thing that often takes a while to develop, appearing suddenly at a first meeting.... If you're both lucky enough to have it, you act on it. You spend time together getting to know one another.... and if you're really lucky, that feeling builds and builds until it blossoms into full-blown love.

Love at first sight means there was never an instant that you've known this person when you weren't attracted to them, when you weren't hoping for a happy ending.

A disclaimer here. Love can come in many ways and in many different speeds of course. Love at first sight isn't superior to slowly falling for an old friend, or realizing a few dates in that you like this gentleman far more than you thought. The important thing isn't how love comes into our lives, but what it grows to be.

I never thought I'd be someone to fall in love at first sight. I was someone typically slow to warm up to any man I was interested in. I found that I usually had to know a man for at least a month before I'd feel the slightest feelings for him. I discovered it was easier for me to get to know men as friends and develop interest from there, rather than jump into dating right away. When a man asked me out when we first met, there was just too much pressure in trying to evaluate if this perfect stranger was someone I wanted to marry or not. Silly, maybe, but true for me.

And then, I met Trevor.

It wasn't like a scene from a fairy tale. I didn't look at him and just know. The heavens didn't open and an angelic choir didn't sing out to let me know that I'd found my prince charming.

But right away, we were attracted to each other. When we talked, we just... clicked. We liked each other like that and we wanted to get to know each other better.

When Trevor moved to the Springs, we connected again at his first YSA activity. We made arrangements to go to a church event together that Sunday. Saturday night beforehand, we ended up sitting together at a fireside. And we were inseparable after that. Right from the get go we were going on 2 dates a week and spending time together at church, at FHE, at institute, at the Friday night mingles. We were together almost every day. And it felt so natural to be together all that time. It just felt... right.

Before, I would go out on dates with men I wasn't sure about for probably longer than I should have. Sometimes 5 or 6 dates, saying yes when they asked again because I had a good time with them, even though I wasn't completely sold yet on committing to them. And then all of a sudden (or so it would appear to me!) they would ask me to be their girlfriend, and I'd scramble and take a step back. I'd have to tell them that although I enjoyed our time together, I was not ready to commit. I wasn't saying I wouldn't ever be, but I wasn't yet. Then I'd go home and stress and over-analyze and eventually, always come to the conclusion that while I had fun with these guys, I didn't want a long-term relationship with them. I couldn't imagine marrying them. I'd break the news as gently as I could, and that was that.

But when Trevor asked me to be his girlfriend, only three weeks into our dating, I thought, What took you so long? and my answer was the easiest in the world.

Everything with us was so easy. There was never any chick flick drama--no airport chase scene, no last minute dramatic reveal that threatened to rip us apart, no anguished and frightened declarations of love. We liked each other, we got to know each other better, we fell in love, and it was all very open and sincere and sweet.

Now here I am, Trevor's wife, sealed to him for time and all eternity. All those hopes that were born in the instant that we met came true. It's amazing to think about. I am so grateful this wonderful man came into my life. Everyday with him seems to be better than the last. I am excited for the rest of our lives together.

30

A year ago I set a goal to make 29 the best year of my twenties--more than anything else, Trevor helped me reach that goal! :) Trevor and I went on our first date one day before he turned 25. Now we are getting married the week after I turn 30. I like to say that we are each other's birthday presents this year.

30 used to seem like such an intimidating number... I guess it seemed old to me. But now that I'm here, I realize that 30 is very much in the prime of life. I still have my best years ahead of me!

Today was an awesome birthday! My family took me and Trevor out to Chili's for dinner. They've changed their menu recently. I couldn't resist trying the fiery pepper chicken. It was DELICIOUS--but it burned so much it made me cry and I wasn't able to finish it. Not sure I would recommend...

Afterwards Trevor gave me a ride home. He offered to drive the car up to the restaurant to get me because it was so cold outside (it actually started snowing!). When I got in the car, he presented me with a half dozen hot pink roses. :)

At my place, we had a delicious chocolate cake (a test run for our wedding cake here in a few weeks!). I ALMOST succeeded in blowing out the 30 candles in one go. There were four stubborn ones in random places that didn't go out. Better luck next year!

Ralph

I just got word that my coworker Ralph Jones passed away today.

He was one of the pioneers of the Relationship Education movement, someone who'd been involved since the very beginning. Ralph was 94 and still working for our company. He seemed like the Energizer Bunny. Sometimes his health caught up with him, as it always does for someone his age, but... he always bounced back. Nothing could stop him.

Ralph was the sort of person who always had a kind word for everyone. When I was a new employee fresh out of school, he was a great mentor to me who helped me feel comfortable and appreciated in my new position. In some ways I thought of him as an adopted grandparent.

I will really miss him. The news hasn't quite sunk in yet. Since I telecommute from home, I don't see Ralph very often in person. I'm very grateful that I had the chance to go to San Diego last month for a staff meeting... I knew there was a chance it was the last time I would see him but I didn't really think it would be!

It's hard to keep up my workday knowing that Ralph has passed away. It feels disrespectful to go with business as usual, and doing work related things just makes me think about him even more. But--I also feel like the best thing I can to now to support his wife, Patty (my boss) is to carry on with our company affairs while she takes some time to recover from her loss.

Please keep Patty and all of Ralph's family in your prayers!

Carest Thou Not?

Trevor and I went to what is probably our last ever institute class last night (!!!). We were studying Mark 1-7. When we got to the story of the Lord calming the wind and the waves (Mark 4:37-41), Trevor raised his hand to share an insight that really hit me (and I think it hit several other people in the class, too!).

I wish I could say it as beautifully as he did... Essentially he asked how often we ask that question in our own lives. How often when we are in the midst of life's storms and waves, when we see no end to our problems or any way to get through them, how often then do we assume that God is asleep or that He doesn't care because He's not taking our problems away? "Carest thou not that we perish?" "Don't you care how much I'm hurting? Don't you see what I'm going through right now?"

But God always cares. Always. He is with us in our trials. Sometimes He calms the storm, and sometimes He calms His child--if we let Him. We can trust that He will not let us sink beneath our trials--instead, if we rely on Him, we can learn from them and come out stronger than ever.

Insta-Flashback

Do you ever just scroll through your Instagram or your Facebook or whatever and marvel at how your life has changed? I suppose blog scrolling would be another good option too.

Today I took a few minutes to do that. When I turned 29, I set a goal to make my last year of my twenties the best year. I wasn't sure what that would look like. During the summer of 2016, I'd taken my dream trip to London and Paris, so with that in my mind I thought I would focus on traveling, learning new things, having exciting experiences.

There has been some of that this year. But mostly, it's been the best year because of my loved ones and the time I've spent with them. It's amazing how much has changed in my family just over the last year.


Last fall, both Kristie and Jason came home from their missions. I moved out of the house when Kristie was only 10. She was home from September to January, and during that time, we spent more time together than we have in a very long while. We had lots of sister bonding moments and lots of fun adventures.

Once Jason was back, we had our whole family living together in the same place for 6 weeks or so. We all knew it was likely our last hurrah (the last time we'd all live at home) and so we really tried to enjoy our time together. In December we took an awesome family trip out to SLC to see the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas concert, and it was very much on my mind that it might be our last trip before people started spreading out and getting married. But I had no idea just how close that time was--on that very trip, Kristie went on her first date with her now-husband, and the rest is history!

Once 2017 rolled around, I thought seriously about making a big change in my life. I'd essentially given up on marriage, and I wanted to make some changes so I could live a more fulfilling life as a single woman. I wasn't sure what that would be. I considered a PhD or buying a home, but I realized I didn't really want to go back to school, and I didn't feel right about buying a home for some reason. Eventually I decided to adopt a puppy. I'd always planned to wait until my kids were old enough to ask for a dog, but it seemed to me I might never have kids, and that I'd waited long enough. My instagram feed becomes clogged with Molly pics after that--so strange to think that she's only been part of my life for a few months, really! She's grown up so much from when I brought her home as a tiny little furball (I see one instagram post where her breeder told me she was a healthy 4 pounds. She's three times that big now!).

The same week I got Molly (February 18 is her gotcha day!), I flew out for Melissa's wedding. I was so happy for her that she finally found her Prince Charming! Actually, now that I think about it, that was the same week Kristie got engaged too, and I was very happy for her! But at the same time, these moments reminded me of how my life hadn't gone according to plan. I remember recommitting myself to my plan to make my single life the best it could be.

That was more ironic than I could ever have realized, because I was only two weeks away from meeting my future husband. On March 4, I helped host Colorado Springs annual YSA Ball--Back to the Future themed this time! As I was running around finishing the set up, I saw Trevor for the first time in the hallway. He'd been in the Springs looking for housing that day and decided to stop by. Of course I noticed he was cute. I overheard him telling someone he'd be moving to the Springs soon. I thought of going to say hi.... but I didn't. Right away I thought, what is the point? So maybe we'd flirt a little at the dance. Maybe he'd even get my number and we'd go on a date or two. It won't go anywhere--it never does. Either he'll lose interest or I will. So I went on my way without a word to him.

At the beginning of the ball, there was a formal dinner. We had seats for 180 people or so. I picked a table to sit at. And... out of all the tables in that room, Trevor ended up sitting at mine. He was with a guy giving him advice about housing (Mitch, if anyone is curious!) and Mitch decided they should sit with us. I couldn't help but wonder if I was getting a second chance to talk to Trevor. He introduced himself and we got to talk a bit... and the more we talked, the more I realized that for the first time in a while, I was actually interested in this boy. I really wanted him to get my number.

We weren't sitting next to each other. He was across the table and a seat or two down from me, and we soon got pulled into conversations with the people closer to us. And then as dinner ended, I had to dash off to get the dance launched. I don't remember how long I was out there running around. I do remember that when I made it back into the gym, I ran into Trevor almost right away (he says he was looking for me!) and it was a slow song, so he asked me to dance. I don't remember everything we talked about, but I do remember he asked what I do for fun and he seemed to be listening closely--I hoped he was scoping out date ideas. When the song ended, we stood there and just kept talking. Everything seemed to be going well until he asked how old I was and we discovered I was 29 and he was 24. I thought it was all over there, and so I backed off my flirting quite a bit in case he was scared off by my age. But, he still asked me for my number. He told me he had to take off because he had a long drive back to Boulder, but he'd be back in a couple weeks to check out more housing options, and he'd move to the Springs in May.

I watched him leave the dance, and I knew there was no way I would meet anyone else who could compete that night.

I didn't hear much from him after that. I did see him briefly when he came back to the Springs to work on housing, but he was mostly focused on talking to guys to see if anyone needed a roommate. During the next two months, I thought about him now and then and wondered if he'd vanished because he lost interest, or if he was just buried in finishing up his master's degree, and when he appeared he'd ask me out.

And then one Friday night he showed up at the weekly YSA activities I was in charge of. It was a Pinewood Derby night. My guy friends had tried to teach me the trick to building a super car, but I decided I didn't want to worry about it too much and threw together a car from a kit that soon claimed its place as the slowest car of the night. (Which I was ridiculously proud of--if you have a slow car, it might as well be the slowest!) Meanwhile Trevor brought one of his childhood cars and won for being the fastest. You can see snippets of this on my Instagram--a pic of my car, and a couple videos of it slowly approaching the finish line--in one, you can catch a glimpse of Trevor.

I was happy to see him there, but also cautious. I played it cool and didn't hover near him. It seemed to me like he went to talk to every other girl before me (he says it was more like they talked to him!). But towards the end of the night, Trevor came to talk to me before he left. He asked me about some upcoming events, including the Baccalaureate Service that Sunday at the Air Force Academy. Seated was limited so they were giving out tickets to make sure we didn't overflow the AFA Chapel. I knew my dad had a stack of tickets at home (he's a bishop) so I offered to give him one. Then Trevor asked about a carpool to the service. It would have been a golden opportunity to offer him a ride, but I didn't. I didn't want to be too forward. So I told him I was sure he would catch a ride with someone after church. But at the end of our conversation, Trevor brought it up again. "Are you sure there's not a carpool? How are you getting there? Are you going with your family?" I decided maybe he really did want to go with me, and I told him he could come with me and Lori.

Then I went home and thought about it a little. I called Lori up and told her I had a date to the baccalaureate so we wouldn't be able to drive up together.

The next night, Sister Dalton gave a fireside (she was the speaker at the Baccalaureate Service). I saw Trevor come in and sit down by himself in the back. All of a sudden I felt shy. I wanted to invite him to sit with me, but wasn't that kind of forward? No, no, it was just being friendly, so he wouldn't have to sit alone. I turned and smiled and waved at him, and gestured to him to come join me.

Since then.... we've basically been inseparable. It wasn't long before we became official... Actually I think that was the same week Kristie got married! Now here we are, engaged and counting down the days to the wedding.

If you'd told me a year ago where I'd be now... I wouldn't have believed you for a second. It's crazy to think about everything that has happened in a year. It makes me wonder what the future is going to hold.