Bloom Where You are Planted

Okay, that title doesn't quite fit this post, but I love that quote anyways. :)

Today I was having a bit of an identity crisis. I've been thinking a lot about what I will do after I graduate next year. I've started searching for jobs on all the internet job posting sites, and looking at grad programs I could go to for my PhD. But... as of yet, I haven't found any postings (NONE!) for family life educators (maybe I am just using the wrong search terms). And the grad programs that focus on what I want to study are mostly far away. I can go there if I need to, but at the moment I feel a little bit intimidated about going so far from home.

I've been thinking too a lot about what I am doing now. I am a bit frustrated that despite a lot of hard work, none of my articles are quite ready for publication yet. Even a year into the grad school thing, I am not 100% used to it, and the hardest part is that I have trouble gaging how well I am doing. I've never been a grad student before! Is it normal for paper submissions and such things to take this long? Am I behind or ahead or right on schedule? I can't quite be sure.

Sometimes I look around me at the other amazing people in the grad lab and I feel intimidated. They are working hard, going to school, and raising families. A lot of them are holding down multiple jobs when they do all this. I feel like a little bit of a slacker compared to them sometimes. School and one job seem to be all I can handle right now!

But today my grad lab friends helped me get a better perspective on things. One of them asked me in amazement if I'd been coming into the grad lab every single day. I said yes. She was impressed, which surprised me. "It's because this is all I'm up to right now," I said. I meant it in a negative way, to be honest. Sometimes I get a bit down that grad school and work makes up so much of my life. It would be nice to be settled down and have a little family to go home to every night like my friends.

But my grad lab buddy responded with, "That must be nice!" in a very wistful tone. I was surprised, but after a moment I said, "Yeah, I guess it is."

Someday I will get to do the whole family thing. I'm excited for when that day will come. But my friend's comment made me realize, it's not so bad that it hasn't come yet. My friends who are working multiple jobs and doing all these amazing things are doing so in part out of necessity. Right now, I'm in a position where I am only supporting myself, and if my part-time assistantship is enough to get me through, it's okay that I'm not taking on more work like my friends. One benefit to my situation in life is that I can focus all my time and energy on school and research... and that's okay! I don't need to feel guilty for not doing more right now. I don't need to yet. I don't need to be comparing myself to my friends. Everyone's situation is different, and we are all doing the best that we can. And that's enough. That's all anyone can do!